I Hope This Doesn't Find You Quotes

“Why is it me? Why do you always single me out?"

"Because," he says quietly. "You're the only person worth paying attention to.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“For ten years I thought I was preparing to destroy you, when really I was preparing to love you.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I want you to hold me like a grudge, keep me like a promise, haunt me like a ghost.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“You have to understand...If you knew the effect you had on me, how often I think about you, the things I would do for you...I wouldn't stand a chance against you ever again. You would have taken everything from me," he goes on in a rush, like the words are burning him from within, like he has to get it out before the pain becomes overwhelming. "Not just a debating championship or some points for a test or a fancy award or a spot in a competition—but my whole heart. My pride. God, my sanity. It would all be over. You would annihilate me.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“He pauses, leans closer to inspect the displays. Reaches out, as if to grab something, then retracts his hand. And starts walking all over again."

After ten minutes of this, I lose my patience. "Are you here to select bread, or a future wife? What's taking so long?"

HIs smile is sharp, taunting. "The latter.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Of course, if you...if you don't want to," he says into the silence, sliding his gaze away from me, "I can accept that. I won't bring it up again. I know I'm not....I know what I'm like. That I'm infuriating. And selfish. And cruel. I know I'm not perfect the way my brother is, and I manage to disappoint my parents every time. It's okay if you don't choose me, really—I never expected to be the first choice. I wouldn't blame you‚—"

"I do choose you."

He doesn't seem to hear me at first. He's still talking, rambling really, the words flowing out like rainwater. "I can't always say pretty things, and sometimes I tease you when really I just want you to look my way, and—wait." He stops. Even his breath freezes in his throat. "What...did you just say? Say it again."

"I choose you," I say quietly, glad for the shadows concealing my flushed cheeks. For the support of the wall behind me.
"You will always be my first choice, Julius Gong.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I think you're obsessed with me, Sadie Wen.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Because beneath my apprehension is the stronger, deeply ingrained need to be liked. To be accepted. To be forgiven. To be recognized as good. I'll do anything to redeem myself.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I finish underlining the date with my ruler so it's perfectly straight. This is like my version of drugs.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“This whole time, it's been you, and I didn't even realize. In retrospect, it makes sense, doesn't it? In order to beat the enemy, you have to understand them intimately. You have to observe them, learn their weaknesses, memorize their every word, track their progress, predict their next move. For ten years, I thought I was preparing to destroy you, when really I was preparing to love you.

All of which is to say I hope this finds you.
And I hope you find me too.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I really can't stand it when people are angry at me. Like, I know it might be simple for others, but I can't focus on anything else. I can't just forget about it and go on with my own life. It's like there's something hard wedged inside my own chest. I'll always feel guilty. I'll always want to make amends.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“What I'm realizing is that if you're quiet about the things that hurt you, people are only going to mistake your tolerance for permission.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Fix this. It's what I've always done, or tried to do. Fix the gap in my family, the holes in my life, patch everything up, smooth everything over.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Julius isn't just a boy. He's my enemy. My equal. My point of comparison. He's the one I'm constantly trying to outrun, to outsmart, to impress.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Iʼm not so familiar with vices— I like to think I have none, but if anything were to count, you would be my only one.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“You had to kiss me then kick me then fill my head with your voice.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I have never known anybody as completely as I know you, and yet I still want to sit next to you, draw close to you, closer. I want you to tell me every story, want to listen to you speak until the night sinks in the sky and the stars fade out. I want you to hold me like a grudge, keep me like a promise, haunt me like a ghost.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“It's a challenge. This is what we do, I realize. We talk in circles. We give each other riddles, confounding clues, half answers. Everything and anything but the truth.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Because I’m willing to lose everything,
so long as I don’t lose you”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“At what point, I wonder, staring at the front door as it swings shut one last time, does something become unfixable? At what point is a tapestry riddled with so many holes and loose threads that it's impossible to patch it up again? That it deserves to be thrown away instead?”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“You have to understand . . . If you knew the effect you had on me, how often I think about you, the things I would do for you . . . I wouldnʼt stand a chance against you ever again. You would have taken everything from me.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“My pride. God, my sanity. It would all be over. You would annihilate me.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I note quietly that this is the twenty- fifth time he’s brought up the word Harvard in the past ten minutes. If Harvard were a ghost, he would have successfully summoned it back to life by now.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Do you want some?" I ask him, offering up the little remaining liquor to him, since it's only polite. "It doesn't taste that disgusting once you get used to it."

He gently pushes the bottle back down. "No, thanks."

"What do you want, then? I can give it to you?" This should be a simple enough question. Multiple choice at most. But he falters as if he's received a three-thousand-word essay prompt. Swallows. Looks away. "Nothing," he says at last. "I don't—want anything.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“His real smiles are so rare that each one feels like a miracle, like you've won something.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“I’m not so familiar with vices—I like to think I have none, but if anything were to count, you would be my only one. It must be an addiction or an obsession. I have never known anybody as completely as I know you, and yet I still want to sit next to you, draw close to you, closer. I want you to tell me every story, want to listen to you speak until the night sinks in the sky and the stars fade out. I want you to hold me like a grudge, keep me like a promise, haunt me like a ghost.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“This wouldn't have happened if we were on the same team," I say. I mean for it to sound like an angry jibe, an accusation, but my voice decides to be a traitor and wavers violently.
His gaze swivels to me. He studies my face for a long time. Too long. "You've never wanted to be on my team before.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“Rejection is the most humiliating form of defeat. It's a losing battle before it even begun.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“It's one of the many reasons I love being around Abigail. We can talk on the phone for five hours straight in the evenings, stopping only to grab our phone chargers or a glass of water, but we can also just sit together and watch the changing scenery through the window.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You

“What do you want to know?”
I want to know if Julius was afraid of the dark when he was younger. If he ever believed in ghosts or Santa or the Loch Ness monster. I want to know where he studies, whether it’s by the light of the living room window or alone in his bedroom, if he keeps the door wide open or closed. I want to know what he would dress up as for Halloween, what song he picks out at karaoke. How early he rises, how late he sleeps. What dishes their mother cooks for the Spring Festival, what he talks about on long car rides. I want to collect these pieces of information like ammunition. Part of me wants to embarrass him, and part of me is simply, overwhelmingly curious.”
― Ann Liang, I Hope This Doesn't Find You