Growing Up in the Care of Strangers Quotes

“Living with strangers in out-of-home placement further accentuates the belief that we are unworthy – indeed, worthless – because we have no connection to the most basic of all human institutions – the biological family. Instead, we often experienced loveless, even abusive, placements in foster homes and institutions. Perhaps this is a reason why so many of us fail at mastering the difficult transition from foster child to emancipated adult. Kicked to the streets, we must learn to survive without the safety net of family to pick us up when we fall and provide supportive guidance until we regain our balance. I was fortunate not to go the way of so many of my brother and sister foster children who succumb to adjustment problems such as poverty, homelessness, pregnancy, prostitution, imprisonment, substance abuse and premature death.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Growing up is a tough enough experience by itself. Doing so in the care of strangers is doubly so, as is unsupported emancipation. Children and adolescents, whom the court deems it is in their best interests to remove from the family home and place in the care of strangers, should not suffer for want of appropriate treatment during or support after the placement experience because of their status as wards of the state.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Placing them in a safe and stable environment where they can flourish may be the most important and fundamental service these young people require. As the authors’ personal histories reveal, the foster care system seldom provides either safety or stability. Perhaps”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Constantly having to adjust to new placements, new caregivers, new caseworkers, new schools and other new people and circumstances can produce inconsistencies that affect the child’s development.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Too much stress for too long creates distress, and prolonged distress eventually short-circuits the brain. The”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“With respect to children who grow up in the care of the state, good intentions that lack follow-through pave the way to Hell for far too many of them. They deserve a system where the policies, programs and people entrusted with their care treat them as well as would loving parents who are caring for their own offspring. That is the raison d’etre for parens patriae, its “soul” purpose. The authors believe that most professionals who work with children strive each day to make a positive difference.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“The government and its systems of care are indeed poor parents, and vulnerable young people must endure the consequences. That is why so many foster youths exit the child welfare system unprepared to succeed, only to suffer disproportionately high rates of adjustment problems, such as poverty, imprisonment, homelessness, pregnancy, prostitution, substance abuse and premature death. This certainly is not how a loving parent serves the best interests of the child.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“After years of relying on strangers to supply nearly everything and to make the majority of important decisions about their lives and welfare, the system emancipates them at the tender age of 18. Already traumatized by the problems that required removal from their families, and then further distressed by a system insensitive to their emotional needs, these confused young people must now magically adopt the ways of mature adults and integrate into society successfully. This is a sequence of events doomed to undermine healthy adult outcomes. Only”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“the absurdity of conducting interviews in the presence of caregivers and expecting victims to expose abuse, maltreatment or other problems they have with the people responsible for their welfare. Danita Echols disclosed how the foster care system emphasizes completing bureaucratic paperwork over conducting social work with the children in its care. A system not in tune with its mission does not inspire trust in its clients.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“As the authors reveal in their painful recollections, physical, sexual and emotional abuse occur far too frequently in placement, although they are seldom reported to or detected by caseworkers, with emotional abuse and neglect being the most frequent and psychologically damaging offenses committed against these impressionable young people. One”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Trust is another issue that threatens the well-being of children growing up in out-of-home care. Disconnected from loved ones and given little or no say over what happens to them, these young people develop defense mechanisms to guard their emotions and protect themselves from a system of caregivers that does not always treat them as loving parents would. Instead, too many of these children and adolescents become victims of the adults entrusted with their care.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“even though they have transitioned to adulthood “successfully,” the childhood trauma of feeling unattached, unwanted and unimportant remains.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“What one thing would you do in your state to improve the foster care system?” I could only think about how much I missed my brother and sister. Frightened as I was, I put on my best smile and told them how important it is to keep siblings together because sometimes that is the only remaining connection to family we have left. Not knowing who your biological mother and father are is already too much to handle, but then losing your siblings in the system destroys any remaining sense of belonging.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“I was so scared, so confused, so alone, so traumatized by my past and so intimidated by the future. I just wanted to belong. Oh, how I needed to feel a part of something . . . anything. I”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“I sunk deeper into depression. My questioning of “Who am I?” soon found companionship in the question, “What will become of me?” I”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“That is why I was so depressed. Not only was I parentless, I no longer had access to my brother or sister, either. One at a time, I had lost all connection to family. “Who am I?” I remember asking myself those lonely years in placement. The answer remained elusive.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“No adult had ever taken the time to treat me as though my life had value. Instead, adults had made me feel like less than nothing, a worthless burden they were doing a favor to keep alive.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“None of them took the time to know me, let alone address my concerns. They even denied my requests for a transfer. That is when I realized they really did not care about me, a worthless foster kid.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Mrs. Inzer zealously avoided dealing with problems or anything involving work or stress. That is probably why she spent much of the day alone in her bedroom reading magazines and watching television. She was a foster parent not for the love of children but for the love of money.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Mrs. Jenkins separated my brother from my sister and me, and walked him to another car. I didn’t even get to hug him good-bye. The last image I have of my brother is that of his wailing, crying and struggling to reach towards me though the rear window of the car that drove him away that day, out of my life forever. His eyes, his frightened eyes, still haunt me. Mrs.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Frustrated by how easily Nell Dean appeased them with her lies, I sneaked over to my friend’s trailer and called DSS, informing them how Nell Dean beat us and threatened to kill us by putting a gun to our heads. I told DSS that if they did not send someone out to get us, she would kill us or we would kill her. I was 13 ½ that fateful summer day.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Really, now that I think about it, all I have ever wanted is to feel normal, like the lucky kids, the ones with parents to love and guide them.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“There must be a holistic approach to developing transitional plans for youth aging out of the system. Dumping us onto the streets at eighteen without support and guidance further emphasizes our lack of value, and hamstrings our future.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Screen foster families carefully, monitor them closely and train them well. Too many vulnerable foster children suffer physical, emotional and sexual abuse, neglect and even death at the hands of those charged with protecting us. Maltreatment by caregivers damages our emotional stability, creating trust issues and other psychological problems that fester deep inside, negatively affecting our behaviors and outlook on life, often . . . too often . . . translating into adjustment problems that handicap our potential to adapt and succeed in childhood and beyond. Monitor our progress carefully, being sensitive to sudden or dramatic changes that may symbolize our unsophisticated “cry for help.” Advocate on our behalf and safeguard us as you would your own children and we will flourish. Fail to do so, and as surely as day becomes night, we will suffer the consequences both during and after we leave the system.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Like so many other foster children, I carry scars from growing up without a sense of family, security and permanency to ground me emotionally and psychologically. I still have trust issues and I am over-protective of my children. I can be abrupt and more than a few people have told me that I do not have much of a sense of humor. Conversely, though, I have strong survival skills and I handle stress and change better than most people do.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“I was always the “foster child” who was reminded that I should be grateful these people opened their home to me. I showed my gratitude by being an overachiever at everything to make them proud. The Holdsclaws, however, did not give praise or rewards.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“My foster parents had a daughter four years older than I was. She hated me on sight and I had made up my mind to hate them. I refused to speak to anyone in the household and my form of communication was grunts, nodding yes and no or hunching my shoulders. I went to bed every night thinking about Sandy. I was angry with him because he got a chance to stay with the Whitings.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Eventually, the abuse became unbearable and I tried to kill myself by swallowing baby aspirin and eating a box of Ex-Lax. I was very ill and I got a terrible beating for going into the medicine cabinet. The case reports do not say why the court removed Sandy from this home first, although they do document that he was “lazy and maladjusted.” My records indicate that I did not adjust well to our separation. In fact, I ran away after school.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“It was in this foster home that I developed a habit of stealing and lying, which resulted in Mother Rose threatening us with beatings.”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids

“Few decisions are more harmful to children than to remove them from an environment of threat or deprivation and place them in another environment even more deprived or threatening. Consider”
― Waln K. Brown, Growing Up in the Care of Strangers: The Experiences, Insights and Recommendations of Eleven Former Foster Kids