Orange Crush Quotes

“Todd was everything Tallahassee was looking for: young, handsome, ambitious and completely full of shit.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“The marketing techniques were getting refined. There had been a trend away from conventional political consultants and the traditional campaign philosophy of “getting our message out to the people.” Surveys showed the people were allergic to messages and refused to listen, even if the president was on TV saying the water supply was radioactive and giant spiders were running the government. The strategy shifted from “the message” to brand recognition after it was learned that most campaigns were decided during the selection of color scheme, typeface and logo. Campaigns began aggressively headhunting at Coca-Cola and Procter & Gamble. They spent heavily on focus groups and test markets. Conference rooms full of average citizens ate potato chips and pickle spears while campaign workers auditioned fonts and swatches.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“What’s this whole Parrot Head phenomenon about, anyway?” asked Crease. “It’s kind of like AA in reverse.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Do not disturb!’ ‘No molestar!’—ever get the idea some things aren’t translating right?”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“He’s the south end of a northbound horse.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“You pledged to cut waste. We now have a Protect-Our-Children Czar, Protect-the-Flag Czar, Fight-for-Prayer Czar, Devil-Music Czar and, as of today, something called a Family-Values Czar. What’s going on here?” “Efficient government is what’s going on!” said Conrad. Staff members along the walls applauded and cheered. “I thought Republicans were against government growth.” “This is completely different,” said Marlon. “How’s that?” “We use the word czar.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Back at the Rash [a Florida nightclub], a waif in a lime latex body tube went into the rest room to snort the newest designer drug, XGB5, which gave people the uncanny sensation of throwing money away while chewing their own lips off. It was hard to come by and everyone had to have it.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Mahoney drained his drink in one long pull and set the empty glass down on the venerable bar. “Dames, Louie. One minute you think you’ve found true love, the next you’ve had your wallet lifted by a cross-dresser named Tallulah…Ever kissed a man, Louie?” “What?” “I mean by accident. Tongue and all.” “Get the fuck out of my bar!”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“You spent a lot of political currency.'
'As Lyndon Johnson said, what good is political currency if you can't spend it?”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“WITH THREE WEEKS to go in the Florida governor’s race, the Tallahassee morning newspaper ran the following headline: 2 HEADS EXPLODE IN SEPARATE INCIDENTS”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Capital punishment: Them without the capital get the punishment.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Sir, we’re maiming both our employees and our customers. Our legal department can’t keep up with the suits. Something needs to be done.” “You’re right,” Dempsey finally conceded. “Increase our contributions for tort reform.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“She stood and pointed at the president with her pen. “How many men do you expect to lose?” The president leaned into the podium. “Our military is in such incredible fighting condition that I actually expect to gain men…. Next question!…”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Jack Pimento had begun his government career six months earlier in the mailroom without the required background check—a security breach that slipped through the cracks because of a government office laboring under the crushing hardships of overstaffing, nepotism and banker’s hours.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush

“Capitalists don’t want free trade any more than they want whooping cough. Their nature is to conglomerate, homogenate, vertically integrate and dominate until there is no competition. The rules? Screw the rules! They’ll rig the game, spit on the ball, bribe the refs, tilt the playing field, pork the cheerleaders and kick free enterprise in the nuts.”
― Tim Dorsey, Orange Crush