The Lady in the Van Quotes

“Good nature, or what is often considered as such, is the most selfish of all virtues: it is nine times out of ten mere indolence of disposition. William Hazlitt, ‘On the Knowledge of Character’ (1822)”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“I know what’s required. It’s perfectly simple: Justice.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“One seldom was able to do her a good turn without some thoughts of strangulation.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“Miss S. bevorzugte das pathetische Wort ‚land’ gegenüber dem üblichen ‚country’. ‚This land …’ In diesem Sinne gebraucht, ist es zwar nicht direkt die Sprache des Wahnsinns, aber doch der Besessenheit. Zeugen Jehovas sprechen ständig von ‚this land’, ebenso die National Front. Land ist gleich country plus Vorsehung – ein Land im Angesicht Gottes. Auch Mrs. Thatcher sagt ‚this land’.”
― Alan Bennett, Die Lady im Lieferwagen

“This is London. Nobody thinks anything.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“What more do you want? Everybody wants justice.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“Learned there is no such thing as marking time, and that time marks you.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“It seems that both at the northern and southern gates of my life stands a deluded woman.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“But they are both old ladies. So who better fearlessly to chronicle their intrepid lives than me? That appears to be my niche, apparently. Old ladies are my bread and butter.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“Why is it that both the elderly women in my life want to move in on me?
They don't like the single life, women. You see, Alan, one of the functions of women is to bring an element of trouble into the otherwise tranquil lives of men. And this is true even of a woman so far fallen from the concerns and competences of the gender as our friend here. Who, frustrated in her ambition to become the Isobel Barnett of her day, now falls back on a political career.”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van

“May 1976. I have had some manure delivered for the garden and, since the manure heap is not far from the van, Miss S. is concerned that people passing might think the smell is coming from there. She wants me to put a notice on the gate to the effect that the smell is the manure, not her. I say no, without adding, as I could, that the manure actually smells much nicer.
I am working in the garden when Miss B., the social worker, comes with a boxful of clothes.
Miss S. is reluctant to open the van door, as she is listening to 'Any Answers', but eventually she slides on her bottom to the door of the van and examines the clothes. She is unimpressed.
MISS S.: I only asked for one coat.
MISS B.: Well, I brought three just in case you wanted a change.
MISS S.: I haven't got room for three. Besides, I was planning to wash this coat in the near future. That makes four.
MISS B.: This is my old nursing mac.
MISS S.: I have a mac. Besides, green doesn't suit me. Have you got the stick?
MISS B.: No. That's being sent down. It made to be made specially.
MISS S.: Will it be long enough?
MISS B.: Yes. It's a special stick.
MISS S.: I don't want a special stick. I want an ordinary stick. Does it have a rubber thing on?”
― Alan Bennett, The Lady in the Van