Adult Children of Alcoholics Quotes

“You probably had fantasies about leaving home, about running away, about having it over with, about your alcoholic parent becoming sober and life being fine and beautiful. You began to live in a fairy-tale world, with fantasy and in dreams. You lived a lot on hope, because you didn’t want to believe what was happening. You knew that you couldn’t talk about it with your friends or adults outside your family. Because you believed you had to keep these feelings to yourself, you learned to keep most of your other feelings to yourself. You couldn’t let the rest of the world know what was going on in your home. Who would believe you, anyway?”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“You are not responsible for everything that doesn’t work out and everything that does work out is not a matter of coincidence.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people. 11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible. 12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved. 13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“Adult Children of Alcoholics was largely based on the premise that for the ACoA there is a lack of data base: ACoAs do not learn what other children learn in the process of growing up. Although they do wonderfully well in crisis, they do not learn the day-to-day process of “doing life.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. 4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy. 5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun. 6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously. 7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships. 8. Adult children of alcoholics over-react to changes over which they have no control.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. 2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“Since self-esteem is based most importantly on the amount of respectful, accepting and concerned treatment from significant others, it is logical to assume that the inconsistency of the presence of these conditions in an alcoholic home would negatively influence one’s ability to feel good about him or herself. Interestingly enough, a variable such as the age of the subject was insignificant as a determinant of self-esteem.6”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“Coopersmith’s study with adolescent boys indicates that children develop self-trust, adventuresomeness and the ability to deal with adversity if they are treated with respect and are provided with well-defined standards of values, demands for competence and guidance toward solutions of problems. The development of individual self-reliance is fostered by a well-structured, demanding environment, rather than by largely unlimited permissiveness and freedom to explore in an unfocused way. The research of both Stanley Coopersmith and Morris Rosenberg has led them to believe that pupils with high self-esteem perceive themselves as successful. They are relatively free of anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms, and can realistically assess their abilities. They are confident that their efforts will meet with success, while being fully aware of their limitations. Persons with high self-esteem are outgoing and socially successful and expect to be well received. They accept others and others tend to accept them. On the other hand, according to Coopersmith and Rosenberg, pupils with low self-esteem are easily discouraged and sometimes depressed. They feel isolated, unloved and unlovable. They seem incapable of expressing themselves or defending their inadequacies. They are so preoccupied with their self-consciousness and anxiety that their capacity for self-fulfillment can be easily destroyed.4”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“The family is affected when the relatives and friends can no longer tolerate the consequences of alcoholism and avoid the alcoholic and his/her family. The family is also directly affected by the alcoholic’s behavior. Unable, without help, to counteract this, the family members get caught up in the consequences of the illness and become emotionally ill themselves.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“Nothing worth doing is worth doing in moderation.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“If the child of the alcoholic, not unlike the alcoholic, is ever to mature, there must be accountability. Part of having a strong sense of self is to be accountable for one’s actions. No matter how much we explore motives or lack of motives, we are what we do. We take credit for the good and we must take credit for the bad. The key is to take responsibility for all of our behavior.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“The alcoholic parent’s behavior is affected by the chemicals within, and the nonalcoholic parent’s behavior is affected by reaction to the alcoholic.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“behaviorally in different ways, children of alcoholics seem to have in common a low self-esteem. This is not surprising, since the literature indicates that the conditions which lead an individual to value himself and to regard himself as a person of worth can be briefly summarized by the terms “Parental warmth,” “clearly defined limits” and “respectful treatment.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“Since self-esteem is based most importantly on the amount of respectful, accepting and concerned treatment from significant others, it is logical to assume that the inconsistency of the presence of these conditions in an alcoholic home would negatively influence one’s ability to feel good about him or herself.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition

“You probably got to know some kids. But that caused problems, too. How many times could you go over to your friend’s house without inviting him to your house? There was always a sense of that dreaded day when your friend would say, “Let’s play at your house this afternoon.” You could only go to your friend’s so often without having to face the inevitable. Maybe it just wasn’t worth it to have a friend.”
― Janet Geringer Woititz, Adult Children of Alcoholics: Expanded Edition