Speaking the Truth in Love Quotes

“Assertive timing should include three considerations: When will I feel prepared to discuss the issue? When will the other person feel prepared to discuss the issue? And, when are we likely to be free of distractions and disruptions?”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“the most effective assertive voice is sufficiently loud to be heard comfortably, is full and resonant but not harsh and shrill, and has an interesting, moderate amount of vocal inflection.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“practicing good breath support and consciously lowering the voice a few notes may produce a fuller and stronger voice.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“A lower-pitched voice among both men and women is associated with strength, whereas a higher pitch suggests anxiety or insecurity. While”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“most people will listen with more respect to a full-bodied voice than to one that is squeaky, harsh, or whiny.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“the volume should fit the situation and should be varied to sustain interest.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“Grooming should be done before a meeting,”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“If we want to avoid resolving the issue through the use of power, we need to place ourselves on an equal level with others.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“If we are trying to defend our rights against an aggressive person, for example, we should maintain at least four feet between us and a stranger and at least two feet between us and a friend.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“When we are angry, we want more personal space,”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“an assertive stance involves holding one’s body and head comfortably erect, leaning slightly forward, with one’s weight evenly distributed on both feet.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“To feel brave, act as if you were brave . . . and a courage fit will very likely replace the fit of fear.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“Does your voice sound strong or weak, full or insecure?Do”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“Even though they may feel satisfied momentarily when their manipulation achieves its desired goal, people who habitually use manipulation seldom feel good about themselves. They realize how destructive their methods are to relationships, and can’t respect themselves because their methods, though successful, are unhealthy and unfair. In their more honest moments they feel guilty for the hardship their self-centeredness causes others. Unfortunately, manipulative people seldom admit any of the above problems. Like aggressive people, they usually cover over any feelings of sadness with brusqueness, irritability, and an air of self-righteousness.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“A second form of manipulation is making guilt-inducing statements like: “After all I’ve done for you, how could you do this (or fail to do this) for me?” “If you really love me, you would . . .” “If you don’t quit doing that, you’ll drive me crazy, (make me commit suicide, etc.).” “God won’t love you if . . .” A third method of manipulation involves emphasizing details that place the other person in an unfavorable light. For example, a husband who wants his wife to change her behavior can rattle off a list of things she does inadequately, without noting any of the positive things she does. His manipulation is often effective because his wife may feel so negative about herself that she thinks she must give in to his demand, since she is apparently performing inadequately in so many other areas. A fourth form of manipulation is whining—used skillfully by children and adults alike. People will often give in to the whiner because they want to be free of the noise the whiner makes. Because it works, some people continue this method throughout life. In all forms of manipulation the manipulator, like the aggressive person, operates from an “I count me, I don’t count you” position.4”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“The Manipulative Response Style A fourth way of responding to differences in expectations between people is by manipulation. Whereas aggressive people attempt to coerce someone to change by angry threats and intimidation, manipulative persons use more indirect, frequently psychological means to get their way. For example, one mother would never tell her daughter openly and directly what she wanted, but whenever the daughter would deviate very far from what the mother wanted, the mother would rush into her bedroom, fling herself onto the bed, and cry hysterically “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you” or “You’re going to drive me crazy.” A father told his ten-year-old daughter that he would return to the family if she got straight A’s in school. Another mother claimed to have heart pains whenever her family or friends broached a subject she didn’t want to talk about. Aggressive people usually try to produce fear of themselves as a way of getting what they want. Manipulative people usually try to control others by producing a different kind of fear—the fear that if other people do not change, something terrible will happen. Manipulation can take several forms. We can compare the other person with some hypothetical ideal: “Any Christian who really loves the Lord would/ wouldn’t . . . Any good husband would/wouldn’t . . . Why can’t you be like your brother (sister, kids at church)?” Children quickly learn to use the same manipulative strategy: “I wish you were like my friends’ parents. They let them . . .”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“the triple-A model of assertiveness, where the three A’s are an acronym for its three component parts: Affirmation, Assertion, and Action.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“The Greek verb used in Ephesians 5:21 for submitting to each other has three possible voices: active-I do something to someone else; passive-Something is done to me; and middle-I do something to myself. In Ephesians 5:21, “submitting” is in the middle voice. The passage does not point to something I make you do or to something you make me do, but to something each of us does to ourselves. Our submission, then, is an action we choose to take.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“One of the most comprehensive biblical discussions of anger is found in Ephesians 4. The Apostle Paul suggests ways to put off the old style of life and put on the new (vv.22-24). We are to put away falsehoods and speak only truth (v.25), to put away stealing and work honestly (v.28), to avoid unwholesome talk, while speaking only things that build others up (v.29). He tells us to develop new ways of handling our anger: “In your anger do not sin,” that is, don’t become aggressive (v.26a). “Never let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold;” that is, don’t be passive (vv.26b, 27). After dealing with other ways to put off the old way of life, Paul returns to the topic of how to effectively handle anger and frustrations effectively: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (vv.31, 32). These words describe the entire range of passive-aggressive responses that occur when we suppress or repress anger: thumos (the outburst of anger that occurs when too many resentments have built up), orge (chronic anger and ill-temper), krauge (brawling or anger that makes sure everyone hears the grievance), pikria (bitterness, the emotional state that comes when we nurse grudges), blas-phemia (slanderous, abusive speech toward an irritating party), pasa kakis (Paul’s catch-all term for any malicious feeling not already mentioned). We are to learn how to handle frustrations without being passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“Effective closure to conversations affirms the other person and keeps the relationship open so that it can be resumed later. Pastor Cortez could have used any one of the following closings: —“I really enjoyed talking with you.” —“I would enjoy having you visit the church where I pastor some Sunday. Good-bye now.” —“I hope you enjoy the game.” —“It’s been nice talking with you. I hope you like living here.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love

“Compliments do not necessarily lead to conceit. To be conceited involves believing that we are better than others, or failing to recognize where our abilities come from. Compliments can help you develop a healthy awareness of the strengths God has given you. Accepting compliments can lead to greater freedom in using your strengths for God and for others.”
― Henry Virkler, Speaking the Truth in Love