Staggerford Quotes

“He regarded his briefcase. It was full of student papers—114 essays entitled “What I Wish.” He had been putting off reading them for over a week. He opened the briefcase, then paused, reluctant to look inside. How many student papers had he read in these twelve years? How many strokes of his red pen had he made? How many times had he underlined it’s and written its. Was there ever a student who didn’t make a mischievous younger brother the subject of an essay? Was there ever a student who didn’t make four syllables out of “mischievous”? This was the twelfth in a series of senior classes that Miles was trying to raise to an acceptable level of English usage, and like the previous eleven, this class would graduate in the spring to make room for another class in the fall, and he would read the same errors over again. This annual renewal of ignorance, together with the sad fact that most of his students had been drilled in what he taught since they were in the fifth grade, left him with a vague sense of futility that made it hard for him to read student writing. But while he had lost his urge to read student papers, he had not lost his guilt about not reading them, so he carried around with him, like a conscience...”
― Jon Hassler, Staggerford

“Well, anything up to half an hour late is considered on time, but anything before the appointed time—even a single minute—is downright gouchy.” “Downright what?” “Downright gouchy.” “Downright what?” said her mother, pausing in her knitting. “Gouchy,” said Imogene, clearly irritated. “You mean gauche,” said Miles. “It’s pronounced gosh, with a long O.” “I mean gouchy, Pruitt. It means crude.” “My, my, you ack-comedians,” said her mother. “What did you call us?” said Imogene. “Ack-comedians. It means scholars.” “You’re pronouncing it wrong,” said Imogene. “You mean academicians.” “Academicians? I always thought it was ack-comedians. Who’s right, Miles?” “I love ack-comedians,” said Miles. “If it means scholars it’s perfect.”
― Jon Hassler, Staggerford: A Novel