The Underpants Quotes

“COHEN We were all caught in a trap of circumstance. LOUISE How so? COHEN This event, this failure of a knot in a string, catapulted us into rare air. Our desires became disconnected from this earth. Versati motivated by fantasy, myself motivated by jealousy. Your mind clouded by romance.”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim

“THEO Versati, you have performed a miracle. VERSATI How’s that? THEO You have utterly changed your beliefs and yet your actions remain the same.”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim

“VERSATI (To Theo.) I can’t believe that you believe what you believe. THEO I can’t change my mind. I’d have nothing to think.”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim

“VERSATI Herr Maske, let me ask you a philosophical question. THEO I enjoy a good philosophical question as much as the next fellow. COHEN (Who is sitting next to Theo.) How would you know that? THEO Know what? COHEN Well, I am the next fellow and how would you know you enjoy them as much as I? THEO (Ignores him.)”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim

“I was going to drill through the divider. To keep an eye on him. LOUISE What right do you have! COHEN Jealousy gives me the right to be a fool.”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim

“Hmm. Reports of a monster in the Loch Ness. It baffles the scientists, and it bothers me. I do not need these little mysteries. The unexplainable makes me nervous. I have my home, and everything that comes in the door I understand. I don’t have to worry that the faucet will spit fire. I do not have to worry that the bird will attack the dog. The clock will strike six when it is six and not seven. It is like me; it is my kind of clock.”
― Steve Martin, The Underpants: A Play by Carl Sternheim