Before Memories Fade Quotes

“While all the turmoil of love and desire was filling her own world, the large world around her was in just as much turmoil. The political events were tearing the world apart and were tearing the remaining Jewish population into shreds. Thus, in June 1942, Selma and her parents and thousands more were cruelly chased to their doom, the last bloodletting from among the small number that had remained in Czernovitz. In that last transport were also her relatives, Paul Celan's parents. Nobody knew exactly where they were taken or what their fate would be. Needless to say, the expectations were dismal, yet the reality turned out worse than ever imaginable.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“I am afraid. I am oppressed by the darkness of every sultry night. It is so quiet and I am smothered by the heavy splendor of the silence. Why? Why are you not here? I have trifled, I know - forgive. I trifled with my luck - it broke asunder - forgive. It is so painful being alone. We will laugh us into new happiness, believe me and return, there is so much laughter yet. Look at me. Is my image still in your far-off glance? I want you as the grape wants, when ripe, to be plucked. My hair is waiting. My mouth wants you to play with it again. See, my hands beg you to envelop them in yours. They long for your hair and they long for your skin Just like a child yearns for the dream that she only sighted once. Look, it is spring. Yet it is blind, it weeps for evermore As long as we are not together, and weeps as long as the wind weeps when its dearest forest has withered. See, everything waits for us: all the lanes, all the benches All the flowers are just waiting to be plucked by me and offered to you.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In the poem Chestnuts, she muses about nature and the melancholy passing of summer, the end of the life cycle: On the smooth, bright path scattered and weary they lie around, brown and smiling, like a soft mouth; full and shiny, dearly charming; I hear them like a bubbling piano sound. As I pick one up and put it in my hand, softly caressing it like a small infant, I think of the tree and of the wind which sang softly through the leaves, alone. and that the chestnuts must have taken this soft song as the summer, which left unnoticed, sped along, and as its last farewell has left his tone.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“since I really had no knowledge of American literature. Here and there, I had read a book by Upton Sinclair or Jack London or Sinclair Lewis. Here I was among all top American students, the only foreigner. I had to catch up so much, that by the time the written exam approached, I read a book daily. I completed the master's in three semesters, from February 1948 to June 1949. During the summer months of 1949, I wrote the thesis, which was accepted in October of that year. Imagine, in such a short time to read all of Henry James, Willa Cather, all of Thomas Wolfe, Hemingway, Steinbeck and more and more. Of course, lots of poetry: T.S. Eliot, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost and many more. Well, once I started, I just went ahead non-stop.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“My aunts were elegant American women, dressed in silk and fur, with diamond rings and charm bracelets and other bracelets as heavy as chains. Their moving hands were jangling, they were playing a symphony in gold. The style of these people was so different from mine. They were as strange to me as I must have looked to them. That fall of 1947, women's fashions had changed entirely. While I left Bucharest, went through Europe for a month, a new `look' was launched in Paris by Christian Dior. Skirts were long, coats big and long, a sloppy style, a `new look', the Dior style.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Besides, Prague is famous for its many churches with gold-leaf covered domes. In the sunshine, Prague is golden. I fell in love for ever. At the end of the five day stay, the entire group boarded a train for Paris. Although my parents knew the time of my arrival, they could not travel on the”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The winter of 1942-43 was the coldest winter of the war. The Germans will never forget that winter either. The defense and siege of Stalingrad and Leningrad are highly documented historic chapters of the war. The fierce winds and diabolically low temperatures plagued all of Eastern Europe. That was the winter of our deepest despair. The people in Transnistria died by the thousands, be it of starvation or frost or sickness. Once in a while Romanian soldiers or civilians came from there and brought news from the desperate Jews. Some Romanians would accept, for remuneration, to bring some clothes, or money or food from relatives in Czernovitz. Some had no relatives left in town. In some villages, they could not find anybody who would take a message to relatives. They succumbed to typhoid fever by the thousands.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The commissar looked around, saw the knapsacks, looked at the books, saw German, French, English and Romanian books. At his request, I explained that I had been a student of languages and literature. After looking around everywhere, he asked Father to come to the chief police station, at five o'clock. I told him that I would come along, since Father didn't know Romanian. He gave us a summons to appear that day. We were greatly alarmed as it was during the deportations. Although we were terribly scared, yet my optimistic side thought that nothing could happen, since we really had no radio. My optimism was a kind of defense, a negation of the evil that loomed all around. On the way to the Siguran ta, it was a very long walk, Father was saying his prayer. I took again the Waterman fountain pen, in case of need, as a small bribe.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In 1942, a Romanian family, who had taken over an apartment from a deported family, on the fourth floor, demanded to swap flats with us. We could not object, we could have been sent to Transnistria, on their say so. We moved up to the fourth floor and had to climb 100 stairs. Later on, when there was no water, we carried pails of water from about ten blocks away and up the 100 steps. Life was an unending string of hardships. Yet we were glad that we could still remain in the same house and sleep in our own beds.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“University, organized on the Soviet system, was just like high school: daily classes from 9-2 p.m., daily written assignments; attendance strictly kept, no choice of courses beside the major. We studied Ukrainian, Russian grammar as well as literature. It sounds ridiculous, but we learned spelling in one lesson and had to read Pushkin, in the original text, next period. The same was repeated with Ukrainian spelling, grammar and also the reading of poetry by Taras Shevchenko. That was similar to learning the verbs to be or to have and read also Shakespeare. (Actually, that was how I learned English in 1938.) The subjects that were most important: History of the Party and Dialectic Materialism. That had to be learned the way they explained it and no questions should be asked; no doubts were permitted.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Thus, on June 27, 1940, we became overnight Soviet subjects, with all that it implied. It implied plenty. Unexpectedly, overnight, we realized that we were in a different country, with a new regime, a new language - a change that was supposed to mean a new stability. After all, the Soviet Union is a world power and we will be part of an egalitarian society. After all, instead of getting into the clutches of a fiendish, fascist regime, we had escaped the antisemitism of Romania and our life as Jews would be the equal to anybody else's, so we thought. Many Romanians fled overnight as did many wealthy Jews. On Friday, June 27, at about noon time, the first Russian troops arrived.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“recommended me to take the Drama course taught by Joseph Wood Krutch. He was, by that time, an influential drama critic and a most admired professor.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“the rest of the world refused to take a stand, which was almost complicity.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“My own life could never have turned out the way it did, if not for the war. After all, who could image one's life in a ghetto, living under the Romanians, the Soviets, German-Romanian occupation, the return of the Soviets, during the worst days of Stalin' terror, and towards the end of the war as a refugee in Romania, later in Israel and in the United States. How unstable a time, how bereft of home and friends, how tossed by historic circumstances, how deprived of any security, how defenseless against the turmoil of history.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“That day changed the history of the 20th century, that day changed everybody's life in Europe, it changed all of Europe, it also brought about Pearl Harbor and the involvement of the United States in the World War. It was a watershed in history, a point where we think of "before" and "after." The 50 million people, who lost their lives and had their fate sealed on that day. Our Jewish people were almost wiped out in Europe and the ones, like my parents and myself, who survived, fought desperately to keep alive. This World War invented the obscenity of genocide on a grand scale and the horror that was Auschwitz. How fortunate that people don't exactly know what they are about to confront, for they would not dare go through it.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“the middle of the day, about noon, the radio announced Poland's proclamation denying Germany's ultimatum. Hitler had prepared some provocation on the German-Polish border, wherein they faked an attack by Poles against Germans. Hitler wanted to make sure that the war broke out on that day, September 1. When I think of it now, 50 years later, it reminds me of the fact that our younger generation often ask: "Where were you when you heard that President Kennedy was shot?" People of my generation think of September 1, 1939 and ask one another this same question. Of course, my generation also asks: "Where were you during the war?" and "Where were you at the end of the war?”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Nationalism and internationalism - united by deceitful signatures and seemingly friendly handshakes. We had seen deceit by Fascists and Communists before, but what was that a harbinger of? Nobody, at the time, had an intimation of the underhandedness of both giant dictators, of Hitler and Stalin. Each one of them deemed that he had got the upper hand, considered that he had outsmarted the other. Both had decided to divide Europe among themselves; of course Stalin would have an almost free hand in Eastern Europe. The hell with the West, the hell with the people of Eastern Europe, who had been bargained away between Germany and the Soviet Union.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“They said that no French-Catholic women had been deported to concentration camps in Germany during the occupation. There were some French girls who belonged to Nazi groups, who volunteered to go to Germany during the occupation as supervisors in concentration camps and factories. They smiled bitterly and asserted that my brother, with the best intentions, had probably eased the way for a French collaborator, in service to Germany, to escape scot-free. I felt very awkward and disappointed about how people use other people; about how good and evil can interchange; how good intentions can be used by shrewd people to cover up bad acts or even crimes. I was wondering what to tell my brother when I would eventually see him, talk to him, on my arrival in the States. I never told him about my friends' intimations.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“The play was performed often in Fürth, then at a film festival in Munich, and in 2002 in Zurich. And then in Czernowitz. On the anniversary of the world premiere the cast travelled to Selma's hometown, where it was put on in a theater very similar to the one in Fürth. As Jutta Czurda reported in a letter to me, both performances were almost sold out and the audiences were very enthusiastic: "Almost 1,000 people saw Selma …After the play we all signed countless programs and answered questions. And so for us, you, too, returned symbolically to Czernowitz with your voice, and built a direct bridge to Selma for the audience." She is right. Although German is not spoken in Czernowitz today, Selma and I came home somehow.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“April 19, 2001, and were met by Mr. Minasian at the railroad station in Nuremberg. We had talked for a year, for hours at a time, and now we met in person. On the morning of the day before the premiere we were received at the theater. There was a crowd: actors, musicians, the press, radio and TV reporters. That was the only time in my life that I was interviewed in German. Fortunately it worked out well. On the following day, the day of the premiere (which was only open to invited guests and the press), a long article, with photographs, appeared in the Fürth newspaper. It was a wonderful performance, on an open stage with musicians all around and the composer at the piano. The writer's wife, Katharina Teuffert, played Selma.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Mr. Minasian informed me of the group's plan and asked whether I would cooperate in the creation of the play. I enthusiastically agreed. I wanted Selma to be famous, if only posthumously. For a year we spoke almost every week, about the town, the community, the war, Selma's lover for Leiser (my husband's cousin). I answered their questions, in German, and some of my statements were incorporated into the play. In march of 2001, I was told the the premiere would take place on April 21, in the Stadttheater Fürth, Studio auf dem Theater. The theater invited my husband and me to attend the premiere, all expenses paid! We were of course moved and were excited to have the opportunity to be there.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In the year 2000, to my great surprise I received a call from Fürth, Germany, with news of an intriguing project. The caller explained that his wife, an actress, had read the poetry of Selma Meerbaum - a small volume of her writings published in Germany. The actress, Jutta Czurda, and a group of friends - a composer, a writer, and his actress wife-decided to create a play about Selma and put some of her poems to music. However, they knew very little about her, other than that she had died of typhoid fever n Ukraine in December, 1941. Mr. Minasian, the husband of the actress, decided to turn to the Internet for information. As soon as he entered Selma's name, there appeared the chapter from my memoirs, Before Memories Fade. He found my address and telephone number and the connection was established.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“When we write nowadays that six million perished during the Holocaust, the number is awesome, abstract; it is hard for the mind to comprehend that number, yet each one was a world. Can we fathom what we lost, what the world lost? NOTE: For years only her small group of friends knew about the existence of the poems. Her two close friends, who kept the manuscripts, and her former mathematics teacher from tenth grade, Hersh Segal, got together and published the Anthology - Blütenlese in Rechovot, Israel, in 1976. This privately financed publication reached a larger public and her name and fame spread, but very slowly. A second edition was published by the Diaspora Research Institute, Tel Aviv University, in 1979.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“There is no grave, no marker for any of them, yet they live in the memory of those who loved them. Selma left her poems, the spark of her vital personality, the fullness of her lively mind and the memory of Leiser, whom she adored. In the poem The Storm (March, 1941) Selma dwelled on the gentleness, the fragility of a rosebud and the expectation to see it open and bloom and about the precariousness of all life. The verse is her own epitaph: If now a frost comes - it dies, dies and has never lived its life.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“After contacting the Zionist Organization, he was granted first priority to board a small boat of illegal immigrants of their way to Palestine, from the Romanian port Constantza. The ill-fated boat Mefkure, on which he was travelling, was torpedoed and sunk in the Mediterranean Sea and none of the passengers survived. A few weeks later, when Yuda reached Bucharest, the fate of the boat was already known. Thus the three young people about whom I wrote initially - Selma, Leiser, Abrasha - were all gone by 1944. A the age of twenty-one, Abrasha was lost in the frozen wastes of Siberia; Selma, at eighteen, perished in the steppes of the Ukraine and Leiser, at twenty, in the waters of the Eastern Mediterranean. All three young Zionists, idealists, never saw the land that they were yearning for, never lived to reach Palestine. Abrasha's father remarked in great sorrow that his son, like Moses tried to lead his people to the Promised Land, however, he did not live to see it.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“When Leiser returned from the labor camp, he received the notebook with the poems. Since he was forced to return to the camp, he was not in a position to take along anything besides his clothes; again he left the poems in the hands of their common friend Else. Yuda and his cousin Leiser spent months in the same location, during compulsory work: digging trenches. Leiser never found out about Selma's death. In 1944, when the Russians approached Romania, while the German armies were retreating westward, toward their final defeat, Leiser escaped from camp and reached Bucharest.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“In it he wrote on Wednesday, December 16, 1942: "Toward evening, Selma breathed her last." On December 17, 1942, he wrote: "Professor Doctor Gottlieb died of malnutrition. He and Selma were buried at the same time." As an explanation, he added that: "her real name was Meerbaum; the name Eisinger is that of her stepfather, I learned. She died of typhus, in her teens." On that page, he drew a picture of her body, wrapped in a shroud and mourned by people around. The original of that drawing is kept in Yad Vashem, the Holocaust Memorial in Jerusalem. It is entitled: "Pieta." Mr. Daghani wrote that her parents died soon after of typhus, too.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“This letter reached Renée (Selma addressed her by her Hebrew name Rena) and has been preserved intact. Chazak was the greeting of the members of Shomer Hatzair and means: be strong. The letter, written in August 1942, speaks for itself, her own words say it all - the brutality of tearing people out of their homes, just to let them perish of hunger, of sickness, of exhaustion, of despair. Yet, in the letter there was still a slight expression of hope. One of the few survivors of this camp, Arnold Daghani, kept a diary, which he published on his return to Romania.”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“I feel as if all my coming days are freezing together into one solid mass and will lie forever on my breast. Rena, Rena, if only you were with me. I don't know, maybe, if we were together, it would be too much. Maybe not. Anyway, we could still endure it for a month, if we were together. Of course, one bears it anyway. One endures, although one thinks again and again: Now, now it is too much. I can't bear it any more, now I am breaking down. Just now, Tunia brought me a note from Rochzie. I am using this chance to send you this incomplete outpouring. Kisses, Chazak Selma”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade

“Do you remember the fifth chapter of "Home and the World?" 5 I'll copy a few sentences: Why can't I sing? The faraway river glitters in the light; the leaves glisten; the morning light spills over the earth like the love of the blue heavens and in this autumn symphony I alone remain silent. The sunshine of the world hits my heart with its rays, but it does not hurl them back: August is here. The sky sobs wildly. And streams of tears crash on the earth and, oh, my house is empty."6”
― Pearl Fichman, Before Memories Fade