I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas Quotes

“If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and see if he climbs down any chimneys tonight. Good luck. And since we're a family that isn't lucky enough to have a chimney, how would Santa get into our house? Does he bring a locksmith with him? And it probably would have to be a Jewish locksmith, because a Christian locksmith is going to want to be home with his family. And how many Jewish locksmiths are there? None.”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas

“Oh sure, I have regrets, but that's the nice thing about age. Regrets fade. And eventually, you die.”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas

“I was a vegetarian for a year. Not out of some moral choice, but because I wanted new stuff to taste. Except tofu. Fuck tofu. It’s the lamest reason to chew. And in the end how do we know that vegetables aren’t more intelligent and sensitive forms of life than those made of meat? We don’t.”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas

“Ninety percent of a shirt that not only was bright purple and green but with a design on it that, if you moved too quickly, might cause a seizure in an unsuspecting onlooker.”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas

“This book also contains what some people call ‘profanity’. I think they’re full of shit.”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas

“let Him down. But what else is new? And if you don’t like what I just said, tough. That’s the God I believe in and that’s”
― Lewis Black, I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas