Dirty Thirty Quotes

“Lula was blank faced. “Say what?” Marjorie rolled her eyes. “His wiggle stick, baloney pony, wrinkle beast, tadger.” “His dick,” I said to Lula. Lula went wide-eyed at Marjorie. “Seriously? Where’d you learn all those words for a dick?” “I was a librarian,” Marjorie said. “Well, I was a ho,” Lula said. “And we never called it any of those things.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“That doesn’t sound right. Doughnuts are a major food group.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“There would be less of a problem with drugs in this country if people ate more meat loaf.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“happy.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“me.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“Marjorie rolled her eyes. “His wiggle stick, baloney pony, wrinkle beast, tadger.” “His dick,” I said to Lula. Lula went wide-eyed at Marjorie. “Seriously? Where’d you learn all those words for a dick?” “I was a librarian,” Marjorie said.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“know a lot of people who participate. Most of them are in”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“It has some appeal but don’t think for too long. The amorous stage of inebriation has a short shelf life for me.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“You have to worry about your own sanity when Lula’s rantings start to make sense,” Connie said.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“I was sobbing when the car stopped to help me. Sobbing! It was horrible. Not my finest hour.” “What was your finest hour?” Lula asked. “I made popovers for a dinner party once and they were perfect,” Marjorie said.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“#30 “I didn’t have any antihistamine, but I found some Tic Tacs. I think they’re helping.” —Lula”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“The next time we heard the navigation lady’s voice, she told me to merge onto I-95 North. “Continue on I-95 for eighty miles,” she said. “Omigod,” Lula said. “Eighty miles. Do you know how far eighty miles is? It’s freaking far. It’s forever. Just shoot me. Get it over with. Make this misery end. I can’t feel my legs anymore. I’m numb from the waist down. I wasn’t meant to sit. I’m one of those women who’s gotta go. I’m a mover. Let me out of this car and I’ll walk the rest of the way. Oh crap. I can’t do that. My extremities are dead. I’m a cripple.” “Look on the bright side,” I said. “When we get back to Trenton you can get a handicap sticker for your car.” “I always wanted one of those,” Lula said. “You get good parking spaces. A handicap sticker is worth gold.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“saw you in the street when Duncan fell off the ledge.” “We’re friends. We used to work together at the button factory, but I got fired. Duncan fired me. I missed too many irregular buttons.” “But you were still friends?” “He was right. I didn’t have what it takes to sort buttons. I’m one of those good enough people and buttons have to be perfect.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“it’s meat loaf night and he’s probably under a lot of stress, and there’s nothing better for stress than meat loaf. It’s comfort food. There would be less of a problem with drugs in this country if people ate more meat loaf.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“At five thirty my mom, Grandma, Bob, and I were parked half a block away from the Manley house. We had three large Pino’s pizzas. One with the works. One with barbecued chicken. One with sausage and no onions for Bob. We didn’t get drinks because we couldn’t pee in a jelly jar like guys do on stakeouts. “I’ve got a good feeling about this,” Grandma said. “I think Nutsy’s going to show up. He knows”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“I used to buy everything,” Gloria said, “and then one day I found out that I could simply take what I wanted. It’s much better than buying. They run a little bus once a week to the mall and we get to shop around for an hour or two and then the bus brings us back here. It’s very pleasant.” “That’s stealing,” Lula said. “Not stealing,” Gloria said. “It’s shoplifting, and if you’re a senior or destitute, it falls into the RAM program. Redistribution of Available Merchandise. It supplements Social Security and Medicare. It’s an entitlement program.” “I never heard of that program,” Lula said, “but I know a lot of people who participate. Most of them are in jail.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“My mom wishes I had a more boring history. She’s been given the role of Family Adult in Charge of Worrying. It’s not a job I’d want, but my mom is pretty good at it. When the job is overwhelming, she goes to Jim Beam for help.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“I handed Bob over to Hal. “Behave yourself,” I said to Bob. “Don’t worry,” Hal said to me. “We’ll take good care of him. I’ve got two dogs of my own.” “What kind of dogs do you have?” I asked him. “Chihuahuas. Mindy and Killer.” Hal was built like a rhinoceros and was the size of a stegosaurus. He barely fit in the Explorer. Hal walking down the street with a Chihuahua on a leash would stop traffic. It would cause chaos. There would be laughter-induced medical emergencies.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“I got behind the wheel and looked over at Lula. “Are you okay?” “I didn’t have any antihistamine, but I found some Tic Tacs. I think they’re helping.” “Do you want to go to the ER?” “No. I’m starting to feel better. I’m just gonna roll my window down and get some air.” “Maybe you had a panic attack.” “No way. People of my persuasion don’t get panic attacks,” Lula said. “What’s your persuasion?” “I’m big and bold. I used to be Presbyterian, but I decided to change over when I was in high school.” “So big and bold is like a religion?” “You bet your ass,” Lula said. “It’s a belief, you see what I’m saying?” “What about God?” “I’m pretty sure he’s big and bold,” Lula said. “He’d have to be in order to take care of the universe, not to mention everything else that’s going on.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“The bail bonds office and the medical center are on the fringe of the Burg. I grew up in the Burg and my parents still live there. It’s a residential chunk of South Trenton clinging to Hamilton Avenue, Chambers Street, and Liberty Street. Houses and yards are small. Televisions are large. Secrets are nonexistent. A few people cheat on their taxes but it’s okay because they’re grandfathered into the mob.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“She’s been given the role of Family Adult in Charge of Worrying. It’s not a job I’d want, but my mom is pretty good at it.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“All horrible at the time. Scary and confusing. Now just a part of my history. As it turns out, I’m resilient. Go figure.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“I need a new life, but I’ll make do with doughnuts.” —Mary Lou Stankovic”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“He had an epiphany. He almost died and when he came out of surgery, his first thought was that he was happy to be alive. He told me he didn’t need to be a slick jewel thief to feel alive. He said he just needed to breathe. Pretty fucking profound, right?”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“When you’re a clown you’re trying to entertain, to tell a story. And you’re in disguise. You aren’t yourself. You’re the clown. When you write a book it’s sort of the same thing. You give the world a piece of you. You write a story that you hope will entertain and enlighten.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty

“Here’s the thing. We all have skills, and we have an obligation to use them to the best of our ability. Some people are whizzes with math. Some people are musical prodigies. Some people can bake cakes. Some people can change a tire. Lula has breasts.”
― Janet Evanovich, Dirty Thirty