Conversationally Speaking Quotes

“You and I and everyone else are a bit like turtles: we only make progress when we stick our necks out a little.”
― Alan Garner, Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

“Becoming a good communicator is a question of training, but also of theoretical knowledge. This book gives them to you in a synthetic way. If they seem, for many, obvious, you should not trust appearances: each piece of knowledge contains a vast possible field of experimentation. I particularly liked the assertiveness techniques given by the author, because they teach us to react to criticism in a constructive and peaceful way, whoever our interlocutor is.
Conversationally Speaking will be useful to all those who communicate a lot, in order to improve their practice, and to shy people who will find other ways to react to certain situations.”
― Alan Garner, M.A., Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

“Ask Questions
"Ask questions, show interest in the response you receive, and then attempt to link those responses to your own knowledge and experience"
- Conversationally Speaking, page 58
Ask questions. Lots of them! Actually, don’t ask too many questions. Questions are simply a means to enter conversation. You should ask questions that promote conversation. Don’t ask just any type of question if your goal is to encourage conversation. Yes/No questions are typically starter questions that should quickly dissolve. Open-ended questions are normally the way to go! Instead of starting sentences with “Who” or “When”, try “How” or “Why”. If conversation stops, either leave or ask an open-ended question.

Try to stay away from cliché questions because they generally elicit cliché answers. There is such a thing as an open-ended question that is too open and cliché. For example, Americans like to respond “Pretty good” or “Not bad” to the question “How’d it go today?” Also, stay away from initially asking difficult questions. In an effort to make your conversation partner comfortable, ask a simple question that they should obviously know.

Questions are a crucial instrument to equip a person for a good conversation. The right question will help you maneuver through any conversational cross-point and is a genuine way to connect with others. Once you ask a question, listen actively! When it’s your turn to respond, try to express their reality using your own words. Asking questions ought to benefit your conversation partner as you intend to give them an opportunity to speak. Use questions liberally and wisely.

Take the dual perspective, be specific and direct, and ask good questions. Seek every opportunity to benefit your conversation partner as you express genuine interest in them. Conversational speaking is a skill. You must practice every day. Try focusing on one element of communication at a time. Perhaps this week, do all possible to handle criticism constructively by asking for details and agreeing with the truth. Next week, intentionally practice another aspect of communication. Opportunity awaits us every day. We just need to engage and enjoy every occasion.”
― Alan Garner, Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness

“Everybody thinks some people are born with the "gift of gab" and some people aren't. But the truth is there is no "gift of gab." People who are good at conversation just know a few simple skills that anyone can learn.”
― Alan Garner, Conversationally Speaking: Tested New Ways to Increase Your Personal and Social Effectiveness