The Snark Handbook Quotes

“Of course I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“I’d like to give you a going-away present . . . but you have to do your part.”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“◆ Do you want people to accept you as you are ... or do you want them to like you?”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“I’d like to see things from your point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass. ◆”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“Don’t piss me off today, I’m running out of places to hide bodies.”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“The leadoff batter for the Minnesota Twins hit a foul ball into the stands and struck his mother. He will spend the rest of the season in his room.”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“A woman is driving along when the car in front of her hits the brakes suddenly, and she plows into it. An extremely short man gets out, looks at the damage, and says, “I’m not happy ...” “Well, which one are you?”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“Tiger Woods dropped out of the TPC because of a “bulge” in his neck. Wasn’t a bulge what got him in trouble in the first place?”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

“To a political consultant: “Here, I’ll talk to your butt ... I’m sorry, I forgot which side the poop comes out of.”
― Lawrence Dorfman, The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition: Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries