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Emporium Quotes
Emporium
by
Adam Johnson614 ratings, 3.66 average rating, 62 reviews
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Emporium Quotes
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“I'm a Cancer, you know," I tell her. "So it's hard for me to talk. And I have all these weird dreams, not the ones with the Sony Girls - ha-ha - but mostly where I mow the lawn. Sometimes I just wash the car, like Gupta! But there's this voice in my head, and Lt. Kim thinks that once we get it to go away, I'll stop worrying that the good things in life are destined to fail, like you and me. But I'm up in this satellite dish, and I'm thinking: what if this is the voice that still believes things can be okay, that believes in good and warns me from bad? It wants to protect me, just like the United Nations.”
― Emporium
― Emporium
“I have much experience in the realms of amour,’ ROMS says. ‘My years in demolition and negotiation have taught me first hand about the effects of love, with my specialties being rampages, revenge bombings, and murder-suicides.’
I sit on an empty canister of laxative gas. ‘Go ahead,’ I say.
‘Here are a couple tips. First, love and firearms don’t mix. That also goes for drugs, alcohol, or artificial stimulants.’
‘Too late for that one.’
‘Next, when making decisions in matters of love, avoid ledges, bridges, rooftops, towers, and open windows.’
‘Strike two.’
‘Most important,’ and here he pauses. ‘Never, ever diss a friend over a girl.’
‘Ouch,’ I say. ‘Point taken. But those are all don’ts. I need the dos, man.’
ROMS thinks on this. He sniffs the vacant air as if for wisdom, then continues.
‘To begin with,’ he says, ‘She might be hungry. Supply her with pizza. People need food to make good decisions. Sharing food is also an ancient ritual of trust and friendship. Next, show your good faith – give her something, a gift perhaps, no strings. Then, open the lines of communication and be prepared to listen. Finally, give her space and time to make up her own mind, without any pressure. If all else fails, offer yourself in exchange.’
‘In exchange for what?’
‘Um,’ ROMS says, ‘the hostages?’
‘Hostages? There aren’t any hostages. You don’t know anything about love, do you? You don’t know the first thing.”
― Emporium
I sit on an empty canister of laxative gas. ‘Go ahead,’ I say.
‘Here are a couple tips. First, love and firearms don’t mix. That also goes for drugs, alcohol, or artificial stimulants.’
‘Too late for that one.’
‘Next, when making decisions in matters of love, avoid ledges, bridges, rooftops, towers, and open windows.’
‘Strike two.’
‘Most important,’ and here he pauses. ‘Never, ever diss a friend over a girl.’
‘Ouch,’ I say. ‘Point taken. But those are all don’ts. I need the dos, man.’
ROMS thinks on this. He sniffs the vacant air as if for wisdom, then continues.
‘To begin with,’ he says, ‘She might be hungry. Supply her with pizza. People need food to make good decisions. Sharing food is also an ancient ritual of trust and friendship. Next, show your good faith – give her something, a gift perhaps, no strings. Then, open the lines of communication and be prepared to listen. Finally, give her space and time to make up her own mind, without any pressure. If all else fails, offer yourself in exchange.’
‘In exchange for what?’
‘Um,’ ROMS says, ‘the hostages?’
‘Hostages? There aren’t any hostages. You don’t know anything about love, do you? You don’t know the first thing.”
― Emporium
