Adult Children of Abusive Parents Quotes

“In your family, your parents did not empathize with you. They expected a great deal more from you than you were capable of giving. At age seven, for example, you may have looked and acted quite mature, yet you still had your moments of whining and crying, you still needed considerable comfort and guidance. Your parents, not taking into account that this was to be expected, struck out aggressively against you because you were not acting according to their expectations.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

“Your family was much more of a closed system. Your parents maintained few ties, if any, with the larger community. You did not bring friends over, nor did your parents share their home with their friends or neighbors. A sense of isolation pervaded your home. You felt no belonging or connection to anything larger than your own family.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

“Your mother and father had difficulty relating to your feelings and needs directly because their own needs as children were denied and discounted. Your childhood actions triggered at an unconscious level their own memories and fears from childhood, especially the more unpleasant memories of abuse. They projected these feeling of helplessness and powerlessness onto you, while at the same time identifying strongly with the abuser. You then became a victim to someone more powerful, just as they had been. Thus your parents perpetuated the cycle of abuse without any conscious awareness of their hurt, fear, and sense of helplessness. Instead, they got angry and expressed it by assaulting you or withdrawing from you. You represented to them all that they feared and at one time experienced themselves as children – powerlessness, vulnerability, and lack of control.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

“Our parents did not know how to empathize with you because their parents did not empathize with them when they were children. If your mother was scolded as a little girl when she cried, she believed that is the proper way to treat a child who cries. If your father was whipped for disobeying, he undoubtedly came to believe that is the way to discipline a child.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

“The only problem is that you’re still operating on a survival level. It’s been hard to relax your need to be in control, to trust that you can protect and take care of yourself, or to let other people close to you, to be vulnerable with others. To do so would seem threatening at a very deep level.  So you remain isolated, doing your best to “handle” your life. You stay alive, but you don’t thrive.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused

“The difficulties you face today most likely include an inability to trust, low self-esteem, depression, relationship problems, eating disorders, and alcohol or drug problems. The emotional abandonment you experienced as a child – the lack of consistent nurturing, protection, and guidance – not only was frightening and painful, but also left you in a constant state of internal deprivation, with feelings of emptiness and isolation. It is likely you have tried to fill up this emptiness, to replace the love and security you lacked, with something from outside yourself – alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling,  or relationships, to name a few – yet find they provide only temporary respite from the pain of deprivation.”
― Steven Farmer, Adult Children of Abusive Parents: A Healing Program for Those Who Have Been Physically, Sexually, or Emotionally Abused