Come As You Are Quotes

“Months later, as I write this, I find it curious how people tend toward expecting those who are struggling to be forthright with their struggle... It’s like handing a person who is mute some sheet music and then blaming them when they don’t sing.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Grief, like any other emotion, is a natural part of the human experience. Grief is simply the price of admission for a life that is lived to its fullest and most profound potential. There are only two ‘problems’ with grief: when we resist it and when we fuel it.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Over the last two years, I have had both knees replaced. People ask about my knees all the time... This is in comparison to my grief. When people did (past tense) ask, they never just acknowledged it. They never just moved on. Advice and platitudes flowed like the water of Niagara Falls... Now the well is dry. Everyone has moved on. From my grief. Not my knees. Why can’t people treat my grief like they treat my knees?”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“There are times when I don't even notice that my grief. There are other times when grief crops up quite startlingly in an excruciatingly painful way... And just like my knees, there are times that grief makes a sound that only I can hear. I just try and ignore it. Throughout all of this – to the world – by all outward appearances in daily life – I am fine. But I am not.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Even though I was in a crowd of people — people who knew me — I never felt more alone and unsupported... People somehow expect those who are grieving to reach out just like people expect those who are contemplating suicide to reach out. Know what? Isolating emotions tend to not work that way. People who are depressed withdraw. People who grieve pull away. People who are suicidal retreat.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Asking, ‘How is your grieving?’ could imply that there is some process to grief. There is no process. Grief, like any other emotion, just is. Asking, ‘How is your grief?’ opens the door for a conversation about the integration of grief.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Let me be clear here on what the issue is. It is not the cards. It is sympathy. Sympathy does nothing for your grieving. It is just some stupid fucking social norm that makes the person expressing it feel all puffed up about what a good person they are.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Here is the truth — I am just like the thousands of grieving people out there. I don’t have a disorder. I am just vocal and unapologetically public about it... People want you to grieve quietly, neatly, and in a way that doesn’t disturb the status quo.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later

“Expect people to not support you and then you can be grateful when they do. Expect people to support you and then you risk being saddened if they don’t. Find steadiness not from the outside but from the inside. Find steadfastness in the power of your grief.”
― G. Scott Graham, Come As You Are: Three Years Later