Memos from the Chairman Quotes

“The only statistic I care about is return on equity. After many sessions with some of our business school graduates (yes, we do have some), I think they have helped me understand the secret to improving our R.O.E. It seems that if we increase revenues and cut expenses, return on equity goes up and that is what makes me happy. Please make me happy! I can be very unpleasant when I’m not.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“It is up to all of us to fight our unrelenting enemies—complacency, overconfidence and conceit.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Our first desire is to promote from within. If somebody with an MBA degree applies for a job, we will certainly not hold it against them, but we are really looking for people with PSD* degrees. They built this firm and there are plenty around because our competition seems to be restricting themselves to MBA’s. If we are smart, we will end up with the future Cy Lewises, Gus Levys and Bunny Laskers. These men made their mark with a high school degree and a PSD. * PSD stands for poor, smart and a deep desire to become rich.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“This may come as a surprise to some of you, but Federal Express is not a wholly owned subsidiary of Bear, Stearns & Co. Inc. I mention this because we have been spending $50,000 a month with them and there is no explanation to justify this expenditure unless it was an intercompany transfer.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“The developments at Bear Stearns certainly seem to be positive and as a result we will, of course, intensify our surveillance of all positions and expenses. You know how I feel about the dangers of overconfidence.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“now is the time not to hide from clients. It takes real courage to make calls when you know the reception might be hostile. But there are times when we must face the music. It will pay off when the market turns,”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“1- Stick to thine own business. 2- Watch thy shop. 3- Limit thy losses. 4- Watch thy expenses like a hawk. 5- Stay humble, humble, humble.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“1. Every cat house has its night. Those departments that are having problems at the moment will have their day in the sun, but until then our job is to keep morale up and the people in place. 2. Those areas that are coining money will have a tendency to get overconfident and a little loose and/or forgetful of the fundamentals that built this place. That is where our P.S.D. degrees come into play.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“When you entered the industry, you were warned that it was cyclical but bull markets tend to cloud realism. You are now in a period that separates the men from the boys. Mrs. Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal suggests that when the going gets tough—go shopping! A certain officer of Bear Stearns suggests that when the going gets tough—start selling positions! My suggestion is that when the going gets tough—the tough get going! You have no option but to follow my suggestion. If you do, you will prosper beyond your wildest dreams when the market turns— and it will.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“the harder you work, the luckier you get.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“We now have the space and the appetite to hire people if they have outstanding ability.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Our experience has been that the best time to hire productive people is when conditions are difficult.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Bear Stearns has grown and prospered because capable, aggressive, money-motivated people worked hard, were given substantial responsibility, and watched their businesses and each other.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Then there are Friedman’s “five forbidden phrases.” • “I don’t know.” It should be replaced with “Let me check and find out.” • “We can’t do that.” Instead, tell callers what can be done. • “You’ll have to . . .” The caller doesn’t have to do much of anything, certainly not sit on hold. Instead, the employee should say, “You’ll need to . . .” • “Hang on a second, I’ll be right back.” It’s a lie and should be replaced with “I’ll need to put you on hold for a few moments, if you are able to hold.” • “No.” It should no longer appear at the beginning of a sentence. That makes people think about what they’re saying before they start talking.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“1. Telephones not being answered promptly in certain areas. Hire more people! After you hire them, explain to them how important it is that they be courteous and attentive to anyone who calls. 2. This is going to be hard for you to believe, but it is actually a fact. I called the head of one of our major areas yesterday, and although the man was in, his secretary did not know where to find him! I know that this tests my credibility with you, but it is true. You are well aware that this violates one of Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal’s cardinal rules. I hope HMA* does not hear about this incident. 3. It also hurts me to report that I saw somebody throw away a used envelope before it made 22 trips around the office. I can’t stand to see people burn money.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“fundamentals of Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal. 1. Reinforce once again with your associates that anything unusual should be brought to the attention of a superior at once. We will never be upset if it is a false alarm. 2. Do not get conceited or cocky. 3. Check on the people who answer telephones. Are they courteous? 4. Return all calls as soon as possible. 5. Watch expenses—like a hawk. Now is the time to cut out fat! The rest of the world cuts expenses when business turns sour. With your help, we will be different, smarter and richer. 6. Reduce expenses. 7. Cut expenses. 8. Do not spend money frivolously. Every dollar we save will go to the bottom line.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“My point is that Federal Express is a luxury, and business can still be done by using the U.S. Mail. I can assure you that future use of Federal Express is going to be very closely monitored. The fact that it wasn’t up to now is my fault, and I take full blame.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“The time to stop stupidity and be tough on costs is when times are good. Any schlemiel* and most schlimazels* try to cut costs when times are bad.” * For those who do not speak Persian, a schlemiel is the one who spills the soup. He spills it on the schlimazel.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“ERROR ACCOUNT It is safe to say that our error account is running at almost 100% efficiency. We have got to do something to stop these insane mistakes, because the loss comes right off the bottom line, and you know how I feel about that particular statistic.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“A man will do well in commerce as long as he does not believe that his own body odor is perfume.” That still holds true. We must not get cocky or over-confident. Remember that the Green Bay Packers won because they executed the fundamentals better than their competition. Trick plays make headlines, but winners execute the basics.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“review some fundamentals: 1. We must continue doing our best to control expenses. Every dollar we save on expenses goes directly to the bottom line. That is what all of us should be concerned about, or you are at the wrong firm. Expenses should be watched at all times, but especially when business is good. 2. We must continue to be alert for scams and con artists. We must watch for unusual behavior by the people we work with. What is unusual behavior? Something subtle like somebody who drives a Rolls-Royce on a salary that can barely support roller skates. 3. Do the people you work with answer phone calls in a courteous manner? Are all phone calls returned? I couldn’t care less what a person does in his own home, but I am a nut about returning phone calls that are made to our personnel during the workday. I do not care if the caller is selling malaria. Calls must be returned! 4. Are the receptionists and telephone operators in all of our offices warm and courteous, and if they are, are they thanked appropriately? Remember that in most cases the first contact a client has with us is through a telephone operator or receptionist. 5. Do you and your associates leave word where you are at all times so that finding you is not like hunting for the Andrea Doria? 6.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“When mortals go through a prosperous period, it seems to be human nature for expenses to balloon. We are going to be the exception. I have just informed the purchasing department that they should no longer purchase paper clips. All of us receive documents every day with paper clips on them. If we save these paper clips, not only will we have enough for our own use, but we will also, in a short time, be awash in the little critters. Periodically, we will collect excess paper clips and sell them (since the cost to us is zero, the Arbitrage Department tells me the return on capital will be above average). This action may seem a little petty, but anything we can do to make our people conscious of expenses is worthwhile.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“When things are good, you should be even more careful of expenses because it is ridiculous to leave anything on the table when you hold a royal flush. We must continue to be alert, aggressive and never complacent. And last, but maybe most important, the partners of this firm must continue to work together and learn to overlook petty differences. We are all expendable and I hope that your Executive Committee does not have to prove that to any of us.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“We should not lose sight of fundamentals, such as cutting expenses and being ever alert to the fact that if we are not careful, there are some people who would like to steal the whole place out from under us.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal also mentioned that now is the time not to hide from clients. It takes real courage to make calls when you know the reception might be hostile. But there are times when we must face the music. It will pay off when the market turns, and I promise you the market will turn.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“You will be doing me a favor if you call me immediately anytime you think you are getting less than Triple A treatment. The support areas are under extreme pressure, but that will never be an excuse for not treating our sales force in the manner they deserve.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“simple rules laid down by the Dean of Business Philosophers, Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal: 1- Stick to thine own business. 2- Watch thy shop. 3- Limit thy losses. 4- Watch thy expenses like a hawk. 5- Stay humble, humble, humble. 6- When dealing with a new account, know thy customer and know thy customer’s money is up.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“success has been due to the instant availability of our partners and associates. During the past month, we have been very busy and some of us have been straying away from the fundamentals, such as leaving word at all times where they may be found. We must not deviate from the basics. I have contacted Marlin Perkins of the St. Louis Zoo and the next person that I have trouble finding will be fitted out with a radio collar. Please impress our policy on the people who work with and under you. The collars are bulky and not very attractive.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal just called and reminded me of something that I should have thought of without any help. The year was over last Friday and it was a good one, but last year is gone. The score right now is nothing to nothing. Nobody cares (especially our competition) what we did last year. Let us go to the whip and make the month of May an indication of what we are going to do for the coming twelve months.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman

“Haimchinkel Malintz Anaynikal just called and reminded me of something that I should have thought of without any help. The year was over last Friday and it was a good one, but last year is gone. The score right now is nothing to nothing. Nobody cares (especially our competition) what we did last year.”
― Alan C. Greenberg, Memos from the Chairman