Early Royko Quotes

“Recently the club achieved its major social coup—the reason this story is now being told. “I know a guy,” said a member at a meeting, “who got a promotion in his job and he is going into Who’s Who in America.” “So?” someone asked. “So, he doesn’t belong to any clubs. He wants to list a club. Let’s vote him in.” The man was accepted and bought a round. Somewhere in the new issue of Who’s Who in America is this man’s name. And after the name is this information: “Clubs: LaSalle Street Rod & Gun.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Fats Boylermaker, 22, who once leaned against a corner light pole from 2 A.M. Sunday until noon Sunday, when the tavern opened again.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Challenge in hand, and all stuck together, State Fire Marshal William Cowhey observed: “There’s enough brains and good will in this room to overcome this problem that has hit Chicagoland.” (Results have indicated that it wasn’t a very big room.)”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“It is sad, in a way, that the exploding auto is going the way of the old red streetcar, the horse-drawn milk wagon, the ice truck and other traditional and practical forms of transportation. A shotgun blast from a clump of bushes is nice in its own way, but for drama there is nothing like instant depreciation of a car with a gangster at the wheel.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“The war against the crime syndicate in Chicago never ends. Those who attended the wedding of Tony Accardo’s kid were inspired after they saw how the battle is being waged. Long before the wedding began, dozens of law enforcement agents poured into the area around St. Vincent Ferrer Church on North Avenue, a few blocks west of Harlem. Veteran crime syndicate observers were quick to spot the FBI, the Secret Service, the Chicago Police Undercover Unit, the Crime Commission, and the Quickie Credit-Check Service. This phase of the never-ending battle against the gang-lords is fought, not with guns, but with notebooks and cameras. Nobody knows if this is effective against the mob, but at least no cops got shot in the foot.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“The auto trunk technique is used only when eventual discovery of the body doesn’t matter. And it has only become popular since the size of trunks has increased. “It used to be,” said a former Deputy Coroner, “that the bodies would be found a lot sooner because they’d be left in the front or back seat of the car. That’s when the trunks were small and you couldn’t very well strap a stiff up on the luggage rack. Even in Chicago that would attract attention.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“Contrary to popular belief, Chicago has never been a town for practitioners of the concrete block school of pallbearing. “I’d say that this is a sewer town rather than a concrete apron town,” said one sheriff’s man. “New York is more of a concrete apron town. I don’t know why. I guess tastes just vary.” “I’d go along with that,” says a Chicago detective. “But you might add that this is also a quarry town and an auto trunk town. “The concrete block doesn’t go over around here, probably because there are so many skin divers that use the lake and it’s a problem getting a stiff out to your boat when you have to pass through the yacht club. “A quarry, now, is much safer. Some of the old ones are three hundred or four hundred feet deep in spots. All you have to do is drive the car over the edge and forget about it.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“But the garbageman doesn’t complain. He just moves steadily down the alley of life, hauling away your leftover cheese-dip. And the only time they hear themselves mentioned is when someone comes along and says: “We earn less than garbagemen.” Yet garbagemen don’t do that to other people. I’ve never heard a garbageman say: “We work hard but we get paid less than aldermen and other loafers.” I have never heard a garbageman point out that the only time an alderman lifts something heavy and disposable is when he gets up and goes home.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“As the car goes its way, some people seek escape from the necks by staring at the progress-meter above the door—the light that hops from one number to the next. A glance is all that is necessary, but some riders follow the progress, floor by floor, trying to guess where it will stop next. A few—probably habitual readers—spend the time reading the city inspection permit above the control panel.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“One of the worst parts of urban life, as the sociologists call it, is riding in automatic elevators. The ride is all right. It is smooth and safe and free. But the silence gets a person. There is something strange about being sealed in a small room with a lot of other people without a word being spoken. The most anyone says to a stranger on an automatic elevator is: “Punch three, would you?” The rider who is asked to punch the button for somebody else’s stop because he happens to be standing near the control panel always looks put upon. This appears to be another development of urban life: Let every man punch his own button.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“This would provide a fitting message, answer and explanation for the busybodies of America who currently are wallowing in indignation, their favorite puddle.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago

“It is a foreign economy car, and while I won’t mention its brand name, I will say that it is made by a people renowned for their craftsmanship, philosophers, musicians and bratwurst.”
― Mike Royko, Early Royko: Up Against It in Chicago