Return Policy Quotes

“How can I go on like everything's normal now that I know she exists?”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“It’s the pussy monster,”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“If I thought he was sexy as a football playing jock, woof. I’m about to let Cowboy Elijah fuck me in this pasture. Yeehaw, baby.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Oh, really?” I nuzzle his nose. “My collection of marsupials didn’t scare you off?” “No way, girl, you meet all my koalafications.” My mouth falls open. “He’s hot, has a big dick, and uses marsupial puns? I’ve hit the fucking jackpot.” “Guess that means I’m koala-fied to be your boyfriend.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“I shrug. “They’re cute.” “Just like you.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“He growls in approval,”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“But I don’t make the rules, and sometimes God has other plans. Even if they make no fucking sense.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Sophia could dress as a hot dog, and I’d be happy to lick the ketchup off her buns.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“What?” she asks in amusement. “Heartbroken? You want me to cry and tell you I wanna be more than fuck buddies? Pick me? Choose me? Love me?”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Um, with your banging bod and magic pussy,” Sage responds, gesturing towards me.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Ready to meet the spicy purple Skittle?”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Are they printing off GQ models at the Amazon warehouse or something? Because woof.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“Ladies.” He gestures to us with his cup in a cheers motion. “Jonathan,” we coo back.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy

“The sunshine state—aka the only place on Earth that’s hotter and wetter than the devil’s asshole.”
― Hailey Dickert, Return Policy