More Quotes

“Everything that happens in life is an opportunity to learn about yourself marriage, motherhood, relationships, even anger, illness. Nothing that happens is good or bad within itself. Everything is an opportunity to learn and grow.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“everything is an opportunity to learn. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Because love is vast. Abundant. Infinite, in fact. And the secret is this: love begets love. The more you love, the more love you have to give.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“The impeccable cut of his clothing, coupled with his tendency to gesture broadly, makes me suspect he's gay.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“The impeccable cut of his clothing, couped with his tendency to gesture broadly, makes me suspect he's gay.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I’m sorry it’s been hard. But remember: everything is an opportunity to learn. Don’t waste this opportunity.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Stew has offered to cancel his plans with Kiwi before—on other nights when I burned with rage or cried myself to sleep. I’ve always steeled myself and told him to go, lied and said I’d be fine. But tonight is different. Tonight I’ll love myself enough to accept Stewart’s love. “Yes,” I say. “Thank you.” “Hang on,” my husband tells me. “I’ll be right there.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“There will be more. I thought my mother had meant there would be more men. More boyfriends. More exciting trysts to help me escape the realities of marriage and motherhood. But what she really meant is this: There will be more love. I remember how, on the night before Nate was born, I crept into the room where Daniel slept. My pregnant belly brushed the bars of the crib he would soon need to vacate, to make space for his little brother. I felt so sorry that my heart would need to make space as well. How could I love another child when my love for Daniel filled me to bursting? But then a miracle happened. Nate arrived. And I loved them both. Because love is vast. Abundant. Infinite, in fact. And the secret is this: love begets love. The more you love, the more love you have to give. I lie on the bed in the empty hotel room and feel love coursing through me. It’s painful and it’s beautiful, and the pain and the beauty are part of the same thing. Yes, I love Scott. And yes, I love Stewart. And yes, there will be more. My heart is open enough to hold it all.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“In the drowsy haze that separates memory from dream, my father lifts my little-girl self from his shoulders and hands her to grown-up me. I’m big enough to carry her now, to mother her, to take care of her needs. I hold my sweet little Straight-A Molly close as I fall asleep.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Better,” I say, still clutching the pillow as I reach for a tissue. “But I feel so frustrated. One day, I’m sure I’m making progress. And then I realize I’m learning the same goddamn lesson all over again.” As I blow my nose, Mitchell looks to the ceiling, either giving me privacy to wipe away my snot or allowing some wisdom to formulate. I’m grateful for the former but hoping for the latter. “Don’t be fooled, Molly,” he says finally. “It’s like being on a spiral staircase—the view feels the same, but in truth, you’re a bit higher up.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I take in each detail of this scene in rapid succession. The cigarette, his anticipation, and the tenderness of his gaze release a giddiness in me. But almost against my will, my attraction is tempered by other mundane aspects: the seat belt, his slouched posture, his taciturn manner. Why is reality so unsexy?”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“When it comes to writing, and also in life,” he says, moving his gaze around the circle so that we understand he is speaking directly to each of us, “we sometimes hold on too tightly. In writing, we try to force the words to do our bidding. And in life, we try to force the world to give us what we desire. I would like you to keep these bells as a reminder to loosen your grip, to let the music of language and life play.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I stop and think while we both sip our coffee. “Yeah,” I say. “It totally fits. That relationship was definitely not right-sized.” “But that doesn’t necessarily mean you should close your marriage,” she says, surprising me. “God knows I wish I could drink moderately and not have to give it up. Maybe it’s more something to ask yourself. Do you think you can make open marriage a ‘right-sized’ part of your life?” It’s a great question.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Jessie nods. She’s going through a transition, too, having recently given up drinking. “What you’re saying reminds me of something I heard at an AA meeting. It’s the idea of being ‘right-sized.’ And I’m still trying to figure it out.” She pauses and takes a sip of coffee. “Can you give me an example?” I ask. I’ve missed these talks with Jessie. How we alternate between laughter and the deep questions of our inner lives. “Well, like alcohol for me. Alcohol became too big a part of my life. I couldn’t get through a day without it, so I’d spend way too much time thinking about when I would be able to drink. And then I’d drink too much, and the next morning would be shot because I felt terrible. I just couldn’t manage to keep it right-sized—drinking always seemed to take over. So I decided I had to quit. I’m wondering if there’s some wisdom there for you, too. Like, when Stewart got so upset because you couldn’t stop talking about Karl and Martina. Or when you felt like you were losing your mind because you were obsessing over how to handle the whole situation.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“What I’m hearing from you right now,” he continues, “is that throughout your life, you’ve been looking outside of yourself—to your parents, to your kids, to Stewart, to Karl—for the validation and love you crave. But, Molly, you can’t receive anyone else’s love until you love yourself.” I sit up straighter, the pain in my head starting to diminish. I feel the truth in his words. “Nobody else—not your mother, not your children, not your husband, not your lovers—will ever be able to fix this. Only you have the power to repair this hole.” As I leave Mitchell’s office, I feel a new clarity in my vision. The migraine is gone, yes, but it’s more, too. I need to take another break from dating. I need to date myself. Without giving details, I text Stewart to tell him how much better I feel. Yay! he writes. Thank God for Mitchell! Then I text Karl. Hi there. Can you and I make some time to talk?”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Stewart stops the video and grabs my hand, kisses it, and continues to hold it tight. He leans over and whispers in my ear, “I love you.” And I realize that our marriage is safe. Never mind that I won’t go to a sex party with him. There is nothing that could bond me to Stewart more than our common love objects: our children.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“What about you?” I ask. “Well, I’m solo poly,” he answers. “What does that mean?” It sounds like an oxymoron to me, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. “It means I’m my own primary relationship. So I don’t intend to get married, or even for my romantic relationships to last forever. But that doesn’t mean I don’t take relationships seriously.” I don’t doubt him. He’s looking at me with a steadiness that can only be described as, well, serious. “It’s like having more than one close friend—people love their friends, but they don’t need a legal document forcing them to commit to their friends for life. And nobody would say, ‘I can’t believe you’ve been seeing other friends.’ You know what I mean?”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I think about Rachel Cusk’s memoir about motherhood, A Life’s Work, which a friend gave me after Nate was born. In the introduction, Cusk writes about childbirth dividing mothers from the rest of the world, dividing women even from themselves. The line I remember verbatim is this: “When she is with them she is not herself; when she is without them she is not herself; and so it is as difficult to leave your children as it is to stay with them.” I feel this to be profoundly true. It seems impossible that the person who just fucked a stranger is the same person who Daniel and Nate call Mom. I don’t even remember how to code-switch. I don’t know how to return to a state of motherhood fast enough to relieve the babysitter and put my children to bed. So I stay motionless on the crumpled bedspread, which Not-Really-Mike and I never bothered to remove, and watch the lights of passing cars animate the blank wall. At nine thirty, it feels safe to leave—the kids should be asleep by now—and so I do.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“It’s three o’clock on a Wednesday somewhere along Amsterdam Avenue. I’ve arrived at one of the last seedy strongholds on the Upper West Side. A few lone daytime drinkers, wearing flannel and sadness, slump at the bar, where a tawny-haired woman in a too-small tank top refills their glasses.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Do you think sleeping with other people will ruin my marriage?” “Definitely not,” my mother says with such certainty that I laugh. She laughs, too. I’m reminded again of the sound of her laughter—like a ringing bell—when she used to talk to Jim on the phone. This is my real mother. Not the goody-two-shoes persona I tried to emulate throughout my childhood, but a whole person, one who defied the rules, is urging her daughter to do the same, and is laughing about it to boot. “But how can you be so sure?” I say when we settle down. “Because you and Stewart have the two magic ingredients,” she says. “You talk to each other, and you love each other. If you keep doing those two things, opening yourself up to new experiences can only make your marriage richer and stronger.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“But what she really meant is this: There will be more love. Because love is vast. Abundant. Infinite, in fact. And the secret is this: love begets love. The more you love, the more love you have to give.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“[We] eventually joked about the pedestal he put me on during our first years together, and I know my falling off it drew us closer. Pedestals separate. They create imbalances. ... But the pedestal Scott has placed me on feels so good under my feet. I like the smooth, study foundation of it, the intoxicating knowledge that I am someone's ideal, someone's vision of perfection.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I want to imagine Matt making dinner for me.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“we sometimes hold on too tightly. In writing, we try to force the words to do our bidding. And in life, we try to force the world to give us what we desire. I would like you to keep these bells as a reminder to loosen your grip, to let the music of language and life play.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Nobody else—not your mother, not your children, not your husband, not your lovers—will ever be able to fix this. Only you have the power to repair this hole.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“But the truth is, I’ve never felt good about myself,” I say, “no matter who I’m with. The truth is I feel like shit about myself all the time.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“someday you will find this card in a drawer”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“Everything that happens in life,” she begins, “is an opportunity to learn about yourself. Marriage. Motherhood. Relationships. Even anger and illness. Nothing that happens is good or bad in and of itself. It’s all just an opportunity to learn and grow.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“I worry that things are going too well, that they're all going to come toppling down.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage

“The occasional leak in my bucket doesn't mean all progress has been lost.”
― Molly Roden Winter, More: A Memoir of Open Marriage