Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia Quotes

“I am saying, with one hundred percent sincerity, with no subterfuge, that watching you stand up to these goons day after day, the monsters and the Suits, is the sexiest goddamned thing I’ve ever seen.” “I’ve heard that one before, too. And that feeling lasts right up until the man saying it is the one I’m standing up to.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Our whole civilization is amusing itself right into the dustbin of history.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“I know you’re bad for me but the hungry, grunting pig-monster that lives inside me doesn’t care. It’s in charge of my diet, too. It feeds on vice and poops regret.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“We’re designed to focus in on one target, one goal at a time. If too much is going on, it plays against our strengths, just from an evolutionary point of view. Our brains are terrible at multitasking. Juggling threats causes a unique type of stress and most dysfunctional behavior you see today is just humans doing a bad job of managing it.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Look," said Alonzo, "what the citizens want couldn't be simpler: They want all evildoers to be instantly apprehended and punished, with perfect accuracy and no inconvenience to the innocent. They want jobs with good pay, flexibility, and low stress but also want all products and services to be available instantly, at all hours, and dirt cheap. They want generous government infrastructure and benefits, but without paying taxes. In other words, they want the impossible. So what they get instead is a show.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“He shrugged. "I think it's easy to assume males are all sly schemers, when most of us are clumsy oafs, falling on our rears and then tryin' to play it off like we did it on purpose. I think the most common mistake we make in dealing with people is in assuming that while our own feelings are a mess of contradictions, everybody else is operating with a clear agenda and any inconsistencies must be due to some kind of ruse.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“So even if he causes the riot, it works in his favor because his official position is anti-Riot? How is that fair?”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Welcome to the wonderful world of politics,” said Budd. “A vocation you can’t do when drunk but can’t cope with when sober.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Labor is expensive, if you’re rooting for tech to get cheaper, you’re rooting for people to lose their jobs. When cars were invented, a whole lot of people in the stagecoach industry had to find new careers, it’s the circle of life.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“I have the power to crush you, but I will not, because I am here to crush others on your behalf.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Just take me to the meeting,” said Zoey. “All things being equal, I’d just choose not to play his stupid game.” It was clear Will had something he wanted to say about that but was choosing to stay silent. He actually didn’t need to say it, because he’d said it many times before: some games, you’re playing whether you choose to or not.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Men don’t know their type until they put their hands on it.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“And this has been today’s edition of ‘Will Blackwater Tries to Make Someone in Distress Feel Better by Triggering an Existential Crisis.’ You always know just what to say, Will.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“For people in our position, survival is all about prioritizing dangers by what actually needs attention, not by what happens to be engaging our emotions in the moment.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“See, rich liberals have this idealized image of the poor, they clutch their pearls at the thought that the world would be better off with fewer of them. You think it’s mercy to let them be born incompetent and bumble their way through life, ruining the lives of who knows how many others? As opposed to them not being born at”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“That’s the problem with our whole system, our whole society: power goes to the ones who want it most and the ones who want it most tend to be more conniving and diabolical than any of the supposed street thugs they’re trying to scare you about.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“The media pours snuff films into every eyeball until the citizens grovel at authoritarians’ feet and say, ‘Please, please take away my freedom.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Oh, my god, is this what I think it is?” She checked. It was. Two hotdogs from Costco. “Oh, my god,” said Zoey. “I’m gonna cry.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“And you think they’re all being abducted by these religious types? And what? Killed? Held prisoner somewhere? That doesn’t sound like the Christian thing to do.” Axol stared at Zoey. “Bitch, have you ever opened a history book?”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“There’s nothing in Damon’s platform that involves preventing crime from happening. His promise is that he will inflict harm on the bad guys. Big difference.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“At first, it’s just shock, like an ambush. But once that’s passed, you realize the ambush isn’t really over, the grief hides and waits, ready to jump out at the most random times, for years and years.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“somebody once told me that sometimes, the truth looks like a lie and the only way you can set things straight is to tell a lie that looks more like the truth than the truth.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“You might want to eat that with a knife and fork.” “You can use a knife and fork to eat a butt.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“That guy is a turd in my teeth.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“Where you find demand, you find people willing to fill that demand.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia

“some games, you’re playing whether you choose to or not.”
― Jason Pargin, Zoey Is Too Drunk for This Dystopia