Samanthability’s Reviews > Resting Scrooge Face > Status Update

Wild for spilling butter beer on a kid’s shoes

“No, that can’t possibly be it. I don’t smile, especially during the holiday season, when tacky garlands are worn like scarves. And especially not this season, when Nola could be around every corner.”

Precisely

“That ship sailed many years ago, when I messed up the one good thing in my life. So, if anyone is listening, if anyone wants to offer some temporary relief from this cheerful and uplifting merriment, also known as my own personal purgatory, it would be most appreciated.”

I get it. I’d love for my favorite situationship to be serious.

“And most importantly, why must your devoted admirers—in their ugly Christmas sweaters with their fresh-from-the-oven, poorly decorated gingerbread men—follow me around town asking who I’ll be kissing under the mistletoe this year?”

Noboooodyyyyyy