Daniela Díaz’s Reviews > Not in Love > Status Update

"Hi," he told me with a smile that I couldn't physically return.
Instead, I solemnly replied, "Hi," and then he was moving inside me and whispering sweet things in my ear, about how perfect I was, how much he liked me, the sheer improbability of my beauty, and that he knew, he fucking knew what I'd done, but he was always going to let me get away with it, because he loved to hear it so much.”

He let go of my wrists.
Turned me around.
His eyes were locked with mine.
His kisses were deep.
His arms closed around my waist to scoop me up.
He was inside me again in a matter of seconds, relentlessly deep, but it felt completely different from before. This time, neither of us had anywhere to hide.

Eli stilled. “What did you just say?"
This time I enunciated clearly. "I love you."
It changed everything. I felt him shudder inside me. Tighten his grip around my hip bone. Take a deep, broken breath. Excitement bubbled within him-twelve months in, and the words hadn't worn down yet.
"Okay, you know what?"I shook my head against the pillow, shivering. "I think I'm done playing. I want to look at you.“

“I'm going to hold your hand in public. I'm going to kiss you in public. I'm going to organize surprise parties for you with your friend. I'm going to send a hundred texts per day with stupid online shit I think you should see. Clingy as fuck, Rue.
Can you do it? Can you live with me as your boyfriend?" The word seemed as reductive as dating. For now, he told himself. For a short while.

“I'm going to want to see you every day. I'm going to learn more dishes and pack your lunch and write cute little notes on it. I'm going to ask you if you want to sleep at your place or mine and always assume that we're spending the night together. I'm going to think about you all the damn time. I'm going to assume I'm watering your plants when you're out of town.”

He felt a bone-deep, chest-warm-ing amount of joy-like she'd taken a knife from his heart and placed it back in her drawer. She still had the power to destroy him. Always would, he suspected, hold him in the palm of her hand.
He hoped she'd be merciful.❤️‍🩹

"Is that a no on that second chance?"
"God, you're so fucking ..." He shook his head, and then caged hers between his hands, leaning closer. Breathing in her scent. "I love you, Rue. You are the only chance there is."
Her eyes shone bright. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."

"I thought I could never be happy. But with you, Eli... I have never felt the way I do with you. Never. And I think that's why it took me so long to put words to it." His heart beat in his throat. "What words?"
"Safe," she said.
He forced himself to remain silent.
"And accepted."
More silence. Harder, this time.
"And enough."
That, he couldn't take. "Rue. You have never been anything but enough."❤️‍🩹

"I think you've done enough, Eli. Shouldn't you keep just a tiny bit of dignity?" It was a joke, but Eli's reply was serious.
"I want her to be all right more than I want to keep my dignity."

"Out of all the people I've met, the things I've wanted, the places I've been, none has ever felt as necessary as you do.
Because I love you. I love you in a way I didn't think I was capable of. I love you because you showed me how to fall in love.”