Kelli Smith’s Reviews > How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen > Status Update

What makes a good conversationalist:
On/off attention switch-SLANT
Listen loudly
Favor familiarity-talk about what they know
Make Authors, not witnesses- ask for stories
How were you felling then? Now?
Fearless pauses 4-8 seconds at end
Looping- asking to see if you are tracking correctly
Midwife model- assist in the birth; Quaker clearness committee
Gem centered conflict
Disagreements below
Don’t “top”

A person is a point of view.
People don’t see the world with their eyes; they see it with their entire life.
We have subjective access to an objective reality out there.
Ask: how are they perceiving this situation? How are they experiencing this moment?

There’s what’s happened and then there’s how we perceive it. This makes up reality.

After the illuminating gaze, accompaniment is the next step in getting to know a person”

Illumination ch 3:
Tenderness
Receptive
Active curiosity
Affection
Generous
Holistic
O. 40 “ a way of paying attention, which is the purest form of love”
How do you treat others?
How do you make them feel?
Vs. what are other people doing to you?