Shaimaa’s Reviews > I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement > Status Update

You indelibly changed my emotional landscape

Though “healing” might not be the most apt word to describe what happens to us after we survive pregnancy or infant loss, we aim to become familiar with our newly shaped lives. We rest in this strange and unfamiliar place.

Sometimes, a witness is precisely what we need.

What if–ing felt like a full-time job

Shouldn’t anyone who has experienced a loss be given the space, and grace, to continue to mourn a future that was only given a chance to exist in their mind?

I wonder how many people are rainbow babies and don’t know it. Pregnancy loss is a quiet epidemic—a circumstance that too many sequester.

Through our loss, we realized exactly how much a marriage holds the ability to endure, how strong a union between two people can be, and the extent to which we can learn multitudes about ourselves and each other. We welcomed, at long last, a renewed connection and a hard-won understanding of what resilience we possess in the face of death.

I’ll admit, I was genuinely troubled by how fast my prepartum body returned. It seemed not only odd but cruel—as if my body was trying to erase a pregnancy my mind hadn’t yet let go of, even after my body had.

Sometimes—I found rather quickly—having history with someone doesn’t necessarily protect you from egregious statements, unintended harsh comments, or unfortunate stalemates. Sometimes, instead, hearing afflictive words from someone you’ve known your entire life can be arresting, blanketing you in an isolation no one should ever know.

Your heart is shattered. Lean into the ache. It’s yours.