Deborah Markus’s Reviews > The Boy and the Peddler of Death > Status Update

A line from the afterword that I swear I am not making up:

I pride myself on treating people with respect.

So that happened.

Time for a review.

From the afterword, in which our author reminisces about the good old days hanging with his Bay Street Boy buddies:

When we roamed the cobblestone streets, fathers knew to lock their daughters inside their homes, for when they didn't we locked ourselves inside their daughters.

I read this to a friend of mine, and I swear I saw a little of his soul die right before my eyes.

That's it? The book is over?

That's not an ending. The book just stops.

You know how The Lord of the Rings is really one big book, but the publishers insisted on breaking it into three parts because they didn't think anyone would buy a gigantic tome? The Fellowship of the Ring is more of a complete book, ending where it does almost arbitrarily, than this one is.

On to the afterword...

"Who are you?"

"I am Dani," she replied.

Aithein grew nervous. "Are you a Hlaetho?"

"I do not see the truth lest it reveals itself to me," Dani replied.

WHAT IN HEAVEN'S NAME JUST HAPPENED?

I actually just finished reading this book. I still have no idea what's going on. I have a few more highlights to post, and then my review! (Which I've also finished, huzzah!)

"How did you know my name?"

Ellia calmly asserted her ability with a triumphant posture. "You look just like her."

1. I have no idea what the whole calmly asserting thing means.

2. When Christopher Walken plays the angel of death in "The Prophecy" and a character asks, "How did you know my name was Thomas?" and Walken answers, "You look like a Thomas," it works. This? This makes no sense.

A young man named Aithein has just locked eyes with a girl he's never seen before.

A vacuum in Aithein's vision released the galaxies and solar systems from her eyes in a Fibonacci spiral that enveloped the air around him.

Like you do.

Seriously -- I recently baked my famous three-chocolate brownies, and I'll share them with anyone who can explain this sentence to me.

Her eyes emitted a silver-purple glow. Her hair was silky white, and although it was soaking wet, it danced with the wind. Her features were elfin. She wore midnight-blue armor that was protected by a white breastplate with a symbol of an eye shedding a red tear in the center. Aithein didn't know what the red tear meant...

It means she killed a guy in prison, dude. Watch your step with this chick.

Aithein squinted hard as he tried to focus through the rain, but it was wrought with fog.

This guy says "wrought" in the weirdest places. Seriously. This is at least the third time in a very short book that he's misused it. It's like he saw it once and thought, "Oh, yes -- you will be mine."

The air was as hot as day but as black as night. Rain clapped like the applause of evil as it ferociously struck the ground.

Dude -- it's rain.

This reminds me of that scene in "Lilo & Stitch" when Stitch first lands on Earth and immediately opens fire on...raindrops. Because hostile.

Is this book over yet?

"Before I was king, no person had allodial title to his property outside the ruling class. Enabling that right for everyone was my greatest achievement for freedom. It was instrumental that all property be allodial once it was paid for."

"And it is crucial that all of my readers know I know the word 'allodial'! Let them scramble for their dictionaries and bow to my allodial greatness! Bwahaha!"