Sabina’s Reviews > Understanding the Borderline Mother > Status Update

Children of borderlines are often told, "Your mother loves you," "That's just the way she is,
"She didn't mean it," or "She can't help it,"as if children should ignore their OWn
intuition that tells them they have been hurt. These messages not only encourage repression of legitimate anger and pain, but also lead children to believe that their mother's behavior is acceptable.

adult children may question their own perceptions when the
Waif mother
invalidates their experiences.
Rather than arguing about the accuracy of each other's memories, adult children need to trust their own experience.

The Waif, like all borderlines, may have difficulty remembering previous emotional states. She is not likely to remember emotionally traumatic experiences and may deny outbursts of rage or panic.

When
home, he secluded himself in his workshop in a detached garage, where he worked until late at night.
Emily understood his
need for a place to escape her
mother's tirades.

The
Huntsman protects
himself from internalizing the
Hermit's anxiety through emotional detachment and sometimes physical avoidance.
Emily's father spent a great deal of time away from home.

Surviving the mixed messages borderline mother
of the
requires the ability to ride the waves of emotional upheaval

The borderline mother vehemently denies her role in the child's behavior. She honestly does not see it.

The all-good child may be too uncomfortable and guilt-ridden her mother's to say no to demands for closeness.

The borderline mother unconsciously solicits the alliance of the all-good child. She lives vicariously through this child and seeks validation through the child's accomplishments. Without recognizing the child's need for separateness, the borderline mother emotionally merges, leaving the child feeling devoured.

The
borderline
protect
mother
attributes special power to the all-good child to rescue and
her emotionally.