MihaElla ’s Reviews > Breasts and Eggs > Status Update

Tears were streaming from my eyes, but what kind of tears were they? I felt something greater than the sum of all of my emotions welling up inside of me. A feeling that I couldn't name, though it still made me cry. [...]

Where were you? You're here now.

Having a child in your life was such a beautiful thing. She said that she could never say as much in public, but until she had a kid of her own, she didn't know the first thing about love. Like half of the world had been just out of reach. The thought of missing out on motherhood gave her the chills. It terrified her to think how close she came. She nearly went through life oblivious to how miraculous it was.

Over time, I realized how I felt about him. Hearing from him turned my day around. If I read something or saw some cute animal video, I wanted him to see it, too. I imagined us listening to my favorite songs together. I wanted us to talk about our favorite books and really delve into our thoughts about the world.

Sometimes I get these thoughts. What if something big happens, tomorrow, and everything changes? What if I got pregnant? Thoughts like that. Maybe they're too vague to call thoughts. I don't know. That sort of thing can just happen to you, right? The way it does to everyone else. But I don't know. For me, that someday never came.

Wake up, Natsuko, I told myself. What I wanted to do, what I was thinking about, was wrong. The biggest reason it was wrong, what donor-conceived individuals had cited as the hardest part of their experience, was the fact that the children were always left in the dark, tricked by the people closest to them. One day things would change forever. Come to find out, their whole life had been a lie.

When your lips hurt, what’s actually hurting? My lips were screaming, throbbing like crazy.

When a reporter noted the baby she was carrying and asked, 'Are you trying to send some sort of message? Is this a statement about women's rights?' she answered with a smile. 'Message? No, no. I'm a single mother. It was just the two of us at home. There wasn't anyone around, so what else could I do?'

When they gazed into each other’s eyes, they saw a world replete with promise, strong and soft. The world was there to make their dreams come true, and they could trust without a shred of doubt that it would make good on its promises.

Well, we use words to communicate, right? Still, most of our words don't actually get across. You know what I mean?
Well, our words might, but not what we're actually trying to say. That's what we're always dealing with. We live in this place, in this world, where we can share our words but not our thoughts.

So you want your body to be the way it used to be? Then why’d you even have me? Your life would have been better if you never had me. Think about how great everything would be if none of us were even born. No happiness, no sadness. Nothing would ever happen to us then. It’s not our fault that we have eggs and sperm, but we can definitely try harder to keep them from meeting.
--Midoriko