Daniel’s Reviews > Project Hero > Status Update

“What if I suck too hard, and you end up getting a hickey? On your penis,” he clarifies unnecessarily.

“I’m not sure if that’s even possible.”

“Technically, there are blood vessels and capillaries in a penis, so it should be possible,” Andy says.

“Okay, just to clarify, you were about to give me a blowjob, but you got sidetracked by dick hickeys?”

😆Andy is the most adorably awkward character ever!

My phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out and groan as look at the display. Law. Great. And here I thought this couldn’t get any more embarrassing. I clear my throat before I pick up, doing my best to sound confident and relaxed. “Yellow!” I say cheerfully and close my eyes as what I just said registers in my brain.

“Should I pretend I didn’t hear that?”

“It’s probably better for everybody involved.”

“People don’t want to sleep with somebody this inexperienced. They want somebody who knows what they’re doing, and I don’t. The way I see it, you’ll be doing a public service. Based on the distinct lack of naked people in my life, I might not even recognize somebody else’s cock. If you let me go into the world with the knowledge I have right now, I might go in for a blowjob and start to lick somebody’s elbow.”

“You want to have sex with me?”

“Any chance we can pretend I didn’t say anything?”

“Umm, that would be a no.”

“Awesome,” I mutter.

“What…” Law opens and closes his mouth. “How… why would you… just… what?” he finally asks.

“You’re gonna have to elaborate on that,” I say. “What was I thinking? What did I mean by it? What is sex?” He just gapes at me in reply. “Come on, Law, help me out here.”

“Is this the right time to mention that running, and exercise in general, is against my religion?”

“And what religion is that?”

“I worship on the altar of Mars Inc. and Hershey Co.”

He laughs. “Relax. We’re just going to do some light running.”

“I should have told you before, in my religion it’s only acceptable to run when somebody’s chasing you.”

“I guess I could run behind you if that’s what you need.”

“I can strangle you.”

“I don’t think that’s how I want to go.”

“But a pizza cutter would be fine.”

“People would remember me as the slaughtered-pizza-place guy. They'd come here and see the bloodstains on the floor. I’d get a pizza named after me. I’d prefer it to have pineapple, ham, cheese, and potato chips on it. Let the owners know, m’kay?”

“The level of thought you’ve put into this is disturbing.”

Has it only been a year?!? 😮
Well, I don't care ... I'm reading it again! 😝