John McNee’s Reviews > Clown Tear Junkies > Status Update

The barking and the yipping and the yapping and the gangsta rapping had all but subsided by this point, and the pale, luminescent glow of the seadogs slowly receded as if some unseen, nailed-up dog had pressed its paw against a dimmer switch.

After their parents were trampled to death in the mosh pit at a Rico Suave concert last year while the band was in the middle of their hit song "Gerardo", Why-I-Oughtta had stepped up to the plate to become his sister's legal guardian. The teenage boy had never touched his sister in any inappropriate manner, but that didn't stop Courtney Cute from crying rape every time she didn't get her way.

And would it not prove far better sense to put cribs inside of infants, instead of infants inside of cribs?

It sort of boiled down to a simple logic problem. It just made a whole hell of a lot more sense for us to blow each other and drink each other's semen like water gushing from a damn fountain than to not blow each other and not drink each other's semen as if it were water gushing from a damn fountain. That's not homosexuality, my rifle-toting Norwegian friend, that's pragmatism.

...And that is the true story of how the Lost World of the Were-Manatees came to be without a king.