Ellis’s Reviews > Breaking the Wrong > Status Update

This is the love child Walking Disaster had with the last two seasons of Gossip Girl. I weep for the ink that has been spilled.

These characters are pathetic. I'm so glad I'm nearly done. There will be rage, all right.

God, the sex is so bad. Every detail is described repeatedly. Oh, and remember in Fifty Shades, when Ana gives her very first blowjob and it's the best action Christian's ever had? Yeah, that. Macsen nearly comes by just touching Emilia's breast. "Sexy whispers" everwhere, which just lolwut. They are both major screamers and then they're surprised when the roommate says something about it. Really.

He steps forward, looking desperate. His hands latch onto my hair as he whispers, “There’s a party going on outside this room, right now. I don’t want anyone else to walk in!”

Because nothing says "whisper" like putting an exclamation point at the end of your sentence.

Oh dear lord, they're getting hot and bothered over reading scenes from The Bronze Horseman. Yup.

Ooooh noooo waaaay. The guy she hates is going to tutor her. Guess they'll be in love by the next chapter. FML.

Aspiring writers, here's a tip: when you have a dual narrative (girl/guy), you can differentiate the voices by having Him throw in a "fuck" every three sentences. Girls don't do that. Bonus points if you make the girl super weepy and melodramatic. Because gender.

But that's the thing. Guys can never whisper. It's like they're born with invisible earmuffs over their ears.

No shit. Where else would earmuffs go? Redundant redundant redundant.

But that's the thing. Guys can never whisper. It's like they're born with invisible earmuffs over their ears.

No shit. Where else would earmuffs go? Redundant redundant redundant.

But that's the thing. Guys can never whisper. It's like they're born with invisible earmuffs over their ears.

No shit. Where else would earmuffs go? Redundant redundant redundant.