Ajax1978 > Status Update

I have an aversion to any food item that begins with the word "boiled." I am, however, open to trying this strange southern treat you speak of.

Good grief! Boiled peanuts are amazing. Do you have an aversion to boiled potatoes? Boiled shrimp?

Boiled peanuts are perfect for taking to football games. But never fall for the trap of canned boiled peanuts. They taste like poison

Listen, Charlie Brown, I don't mind when things are boiled, it's when that word is used in the title of the product that my stomach says yuck. And football? Really? I am 36 years old and I have been to zero football games. I'm pretty okay with that. Commence judging...

What?! Tomorrow is first Saturday of college football season. I'll be like a pig in slop

It boggles the mind that you've never been to a single game. Never to Madison to a Badgers game? No jumping around at the end of the third quarter? I hate Wisconsin but it's fun to go to games there if they are playing Northwestern.

My Batman villain name: The Boggler.

You win: you're butch, and I'm not so butch. Maybe I just need to be around someone who gets excited about that kind of thing. Should I add that to my list of qualifications for my next bf?

My Batman villain name: Boll Weevil

I ate a weevil when eating Dig'em Smacks straight outta the box one time

My Batman villain name: Bedbug

Most epic night ever: we all dress up together for Halloween. Picture it...

No comment about me eating a weevil?

Since I probably would have cried and thrown up violently if that had been me, I'm just going to pretend you never said it. Thanks for bringing it up again.

Northwestern won. Up next: the Orange

Are you attempting to engage in football talk? I'm glad that you're about to get your vitamin C.

Vitamin Ajax

One day you gonna wake up and realize you really are a jackass

What you mean "one day"? I realized that when I was in high school. ;)

Your mom texted me this afternoon. It was a MESS. Auto-correct is her forever enemy.

You keep my mom's name out yo mouth! You've made a powerful enemy here today, Mr Boonie.

If you two had a reality show, I would totally watch it.

Oh hush

Hush was meant for Ajax, not you Justin.

Reality show? I totally need someone to apply to The Amazing Race with me

I can run almost three miles without stopping. Is that amazing enough?

Bah! My Aunt LoveyJo can run that far with a Virginia Slim hanging out her mouth.

But does she have sexy calves and a sporty baseball cap AND Vibram Five Finger shoes?? I think not.

Those finger shoes are gross!

Don't judge. What ever happened to "live and let live"? Besides, they feel SO good! Try them. I dare you.

You artistic types......

You southern types.....

Southern charm! Beguiling Southern accent! Plus I look good in a seersucker suit

Prove it.

I went to a wedding on the beach Saturday. (never have an outside wedding when it's in the 90's. Bleh) I was in my Matlock suit. Many compliments.

Did you solve the crime, Matlock?

Matlock? Isn't that what, like, 80-year olds watch before bed?

Granpa Simpson. And Ajax

Andy Griffith is a national treasure

now, Barnaby Jones is a different story...

Today I was walking to my car after work. I was walking across a street when I noticed a parked car that had a few kids in it. The car also had a grandmother in the back seat. All that was missing in this car was a dog. Kid, old person, dog. Hot car. Windows rolled down just a bit.

So anyway, I'm walking by, and the kids are enjoying the alone time, because grandma has no idea what's going down. As I pass by one side of the car, this little girl, I'm guessing eight years old, leans out the window and says, "You stupid." But she says it how ghetto kids say things these days. "Stoo-pit."
So, I was obviously insulted by this, um, insult. Because, so far, I've not done anything to indicate to this little girl that I am stupid. I crossed the street successfully, did not get hit by a car. What have I done to indicate stupidity? So I say to her as I am walking by, "No you're not. You are."

Let's recap.

Little girl: You stupid.

Me: No you're not. You are.

In my attempt to prove to a kid that I wasn't stupid, I seemed to prove that I was, indeed, stoo-pit.

I kept walking and was like, "Damn, Ajax, you totally f###ed that up. You had the chance to tell that kid straight up that she was stoo-pit, but you f###ed it up."

But did I? As I said what I said and as I walked away, I noticed that my nemesis was incredibly confused by my comeback. Her eight year old take on the language may very well have been my advantage. She had this look on her face like, "Why would he tell me I wasn't stupid, then tell me right after that I was? His comeback makes no sense, and confuses my feeble brain."

Put me in a courtroom, Matlock.

Is it still considered genius if someone does something brilliant completely on accident? Either way, you're kind of my hero right now. Not only did you say something amazing, you talked to an eight-year old, a stranger. Braver than I, friend.

You will be dead by the age of 35. Wait, no 40. Someone is gonna shoot you

Nobody wants to kill me! I'm charming and have a toothy smile. Like a crocodile.