Jessica’s Reviews > The Other Guy > Status Update

"Twelve hours ago, we hadn't gotten back together," I pointed out.
"Twelve hours ago, I loved you just as much as I do now," he countered.

She turned to her precious little girl, touching their noses together, and cooed, "Your idiot Uncle Emory fucked up with Uncle Nate. Yes, he did. Yes, he did."
The baby laughed, the heartless little thing.

"I wasn't sure [...] what was actually appropriate to do when getting reacquainted with someone you'd had sex with on vacation.
Should've Googled it before I left the house."

"'Why is it,' Linn said, 'that guys always have so much trouble talking about whether other guys are hot? You don't ever see women having this problem. I can tell you five gorgeous women I'd go gay for right now.'
She reeled off her list, which I could find no fault with."

"There's nothing more deflating than meeting someone whose hand collapses in yours as if mustering the wherewithal to contract a few muscles for two seconds is just too much to bear." Thank. You! Fucking hate that shit.

"Roses are red, this couch is blue, my fiancée left me, and I hope she gets the bubonic plague."