Sean Gibson’s Reviews > Victoria The Queen: An Intimate Biography of the Woman Who Ruled an Empire > Status Update

Fun fact: Victoria’s death resulted in the spontaneous birth of the internet and chimichangas.

Fun fact: Victoria once bent Kaiser Wilhelm II over her knee and spanked him with a frying pan. He was 34 at the time and enjoyed it greatly.

Fun fact: In an effort to be provocative, the Queen wore nothing but a bonnet trimmed with lace to the jubilee celebration marking the 50th anniversary of her ascension to the throne. Because the prudish Victorians refused to acknowledge that nudity was a real thing, however, no one noticed anything amiss.

Fun fact: in private, Victoria referred to the position of Prime Minister as HMB, or “Her Majesty’s Bitch.” The lone exception was Benjamin Disraeli, whom she preferred to call “Big Uncle Snugglecakes.”

Fun fact: John Brown invented sliced bread and served it as his own funeral.

Fun fact: Publicly, William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were referred to as "The Lion and the Unicorn." Privately, they called themselves "Ace Shootdown and the Milkman" for no other reason than they (erroneously) thought it made them sound cool.

Fun fact: John Brown was not a real person. Fearing that the revelation that the Queen had a very intimate imaginary friend named John Brown would lead to speculation that she was going mad, the royal physician hired a burly, kilt-clad Scotsman named Angus Macintosh to pretend to be Brown. Given that John Brown was rumored to be hung like a zebra, Macintosh never went out in public without a prosthetic enhancer.

Fun fact: Prince Albert's premature death was caused by a combination of overwork, Crohn's Disease, and eating too many green gummy bears. Three were found hidden in his mustache when the mortician prepared him for the funeral.

Fun fact: Among the many things Bertie, the future King Edward VII, did to embarrass his parents, perhaps the most egregious was the time he accidentally propositioned a highland cow at a costume party. To be fair, Bertie was really drunk, and the cow looked really good and turned out to be an enthusiastic lay.

Fun fact: The Crimean War was the second-leading cause of death for British soldiers during the 1850s. The leading cause was testicular combustion resulting from an inability to quickly and efficiently remove corsets and petticoats.