Jeff’s Reviews > Swashbucklers > Status Update

This is the level of descriptive imagery in this book:

Then Jake cried out as zombies, skeletons and werewolves began crawling from the land, loping towards them, and the three were forced to shoot and punch their way through the masses in order to reach the next wall, before leaping over to suddenly find themselves riding horses in a painting.

There's an undercurrent of dry humor in every one of Christopher Moore's books, but the dialogue, the character development and even the supernatural plot is written for adults. There's vivid description, elegant prose and complex lore. This is just childish jokes, sound effects and references to 80s movie plots strung together with conversations. Fun Times at the Bloodbath is SO much better.

It strikes me that this is much more Little Monsters than Ghostbusters or Goonies. There could be some depth to a re-imagining of those stories, but this is a children's comic book adapted into 310 pages of a novel.

How did the author want us to picture this exactly:

She tucked into a roll and went sliding through a bunch of homework, the sword whistling over her head.

A "bunch of homework"? Like a burlap bag full of Santa's letters in Miracle on 32nd Street? A stack of stapled worksheets seems more likely, but how does someone slide through it? Maybe an arrangement of craft projects? Thanks for nothing with this imagery.

Continually baffling. All the buildup about them being ghostbusters and goonies and monster squad and then they get to the scene with their proton packs--after two chapters of building suspense--to fight Henry VII who throws drumsticks and student desks.

So, he may not be called "Rockbiter," but we've essentially got the stone giant from Neverending Story warning someone about Hook from Peter Pan. And I bet he'll be nowhere near as fun as Robin Williams. To call this derivative is generous, but it's pretty incongruous with the opening homage of monster amnesia and Georgie and Doc and mentions of a magnum opus, no matter how you feel about this section.

The seams are widening.

The premise behind the weapons is incredibly cool and were it fleshed out, could probably carry this action-adventure, but right now, it's a lot of pressure on our tenuous suspension of disbelief to insist on these "weapons" affecting real-world objects.

“Wait for my signal. Cisco, you and I are going to make a run for it. We’ll be the bait. Keep firing at Father Christmas, weaken him a bit more, and as soon as we’ve drawn him into the shadow of the wheel, I’ll punch out the supports underneath.”

...Oh and do you guys remember the car full of kids we left vulnerable and unsupervised in a parking garage a couple pages ago? Nah, me neither. Let's blast 'em!

This first action scene has syfy-channel depth: all sound effects, bright flashes and catch phrases.