nathan’s Reviews > Fruit Fly > Status Update

all, I smile, and repeat, ‘We have sex,’ softer this time, smooth and alluring. I try to fill the words with pleasure, but it’s hard. It’s hard to do that with only three words. I know, because I have tried multiple times before. Different words, but the same lie.

I have an immediate and disturbingly intense understanding that I don’t recognise myself at all. I feel completely and utterly unknowable. It is as if I have floated out of my body, and I’m looking down from above at a woman sitting in a car, waiting to join a homosexual subculture in her Lululemon anorak.

STAY AWAY from chemsex parties. People die at those things. Do not go to one, you’ll need more than Jesus to help you get out. Chemsex? Jesus? People die?

Gay and Sad. Gold dust. I suddenly remember. I was once called an honorary gay. Yes. Or should I say, Yas! I was. Just like Judy Garland or Barbara Streisand or Madonna or the Babadook.

Virginia Woolf was a little bit gay.

The Hours. I loved that film. The scene where Ed Harris was so riddled with shame and HIV that he threw himself from the window. It made me cry.

A Little Life. Oh my God, I bawled and bawled, and it was so long. Come to think of it, some of my favourite films, too. A Single Man – so sad, and so chic. God’s Own Country. So raw and so real. Milk. Sean Penn was breathtaking – he won all the awards. Philadelphia, too. One of the greats. Tom Hanks lost so much weight for the role, he was remarkable.

Also – always remember: gay is in. Go gay. It’s cool now. It sells. However – here is the gold dust – the perfect blend is gay AND sad. You nail that, you’re minted. And probs an award winner.

The truth lies in Reddit.

This mirror is distressed. That’s what the man at Neptune’s furniture store told me. ‘This is a distressed mirror.’ I have tried so often to find its emotional anguish, to relate. But all it means is that the glass is purposefully tarnished to the point where you can’t really see yourself in it at all.