Devet’s Reviews > Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life > Status Update

<-- or they do realize theyre in the wrong but dont bother to truly change and keep regressing because its "too hard" also in my case

> Toxic parents resist any external reality that challenges their
beliefs. Rather than change, they develop a distorted view of reality
to support the beliefs they already have. Unfortunately, children
lack the sophistication to discriminate between true reality and
distorted reality. As children of toxic parents grow up, they carry
their parents’ distorted beliefs unchallenged into their own adult
lives.

> A toxic parent’s beliefs about children, on the other hand, are
almost always self-centered and self-serving. They believe things
like, “children should respect their parents no matter what”; “there
are only two ways to do things, my way and the wrong way”; or,
“children should be seen but not heard.” These types of beliefs form
the soil from which toxic parental behavior grows.

> This system is not something that
your parents invented; it is the result of the accumulated feelings,
rules, interactions, and beliefs that have been handed down from
your ancestors.

> You can
change many of these early decisions, and with them your life
scenario, but you must first understand how much of what you feel,
how you live, and what you believe has been shaped by your family
system.

> If you had toxic parents, you
probably made decisions such as: “I can’t trust anybody”; “I’m not
worth caring about”; or, “I’ll never amount to anything.” Those
decisions were self-defeating and need to be changed. [2/2]

> Your family system constituted your entire reality when you were
young. You made decisions as a child—about who you are and how
you’re supposed to interact with others—based on how your family
system taught you to see the world. [1/2]

skimmed sexual abuse part i cant take it
> With treatment, most victims are able to reclaim their dignity and
their power. Recognizing a problem and seeking help is a sign not
only of health but of courage.

> Abused children have a caldron of rage bubbling inside them. You
can’t be battered, humiliated, terrified, denigrated, and blamed for
your own pain without getting angry. But a battered child has no
way to release this anger. In adulthood, that anger has to find an
outlet. <-- actually the outlet is bullying or addiction etc

> I was not surprised when Kate told me that her high school
classmates thought she had a great family. Many abusive families
are able to present a very “normal” facade to the rest of the world.
This apparent respectability is in direct opposition to the family’s
reality. It forms the basis of a “family myth.” <-- mine too when my ex bsf thought my mom was gr8 then she told her it wasnt true help