Noémie’s Reviews > Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life > Status Update

« The point of feeling a feeling you can’t do anything about is to let it discharge, complete the cycle, so that it can end. »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« If we had a more sex-positive culture, women’s desire would be more like men’s!” which is the same men-as-default myth that causes women to feel broken. »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« But hormones are a small—often negligible—part of the context that shapes a woman’s sexual wellbeing, so changing them can make only a small—often negligible—impact »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« Might the culture be less tolerant of the suffering of girls, if that suffering isn’t to feed boys’ hunger but only feeds their interest? Maybe not, I don’t know. But I do know that men’s sexual entitlement is a primary reason they sexually assault women.12 »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« and pow! you’re saying to yourself, “I would like some sex!” This is how it works for maybe 75 percent of men and 15 percent of women »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« If that’s true, then when your doctor taps your knee’s patellar tendon and your leg kicks out, that must mean you actually want to kick your doctor. »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« Genital response is specific to sexually relevant stimuli—regardless of whether those stimuli are sexually appealing. »

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Come as You Are
Emily Nagoski
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« There is about a 50 percent overlap between what a male’s genitals respond to as “sexually relevant” and what his brain responds to as “sexually appealing.” And there is about a 10 percent overlap between what a female’s genitals respond to as “sexually relevant” and what her brain responds to as “sexually appealing.”  »

« Want to lose ten pounds without diet or exercise? Cut off your leg at the knee! I guarantee, the next time you step on a scale, you’ll weigh less.
• Or, hey, want to lose five pounds of fat? Have your brain removed—its mass is almost 100 percent fat!
• You know who’s always thin? People who’ve been living in a prison camp!

« Students laugh like I made a joke when I ask, “What would happen if you met your friends at dinner and said, ‘I feel so beautiful today!’?”
“Really, what would happen?” I insist.
“No one would do that,” they tell me.
“But . . . how often would someone meet friends at dinner and say, ‘I feel so fat today’?”
“All the time,” they say. »