emm johnson’s Reviews > My Dark Vanessa > Status Update

almost finished and all i want to say is this book has exhausted me from start to finish, it’s like stepping into someone’s mind who has trauma, especially abuse with a partner, and walking around the timeline of events in their perspectives. reading how one interaction goes only to see how Strane makes it seem, his gaslighting, elitism, how he is a textbook abuser to the point it becomes sickening to read

everything about this book is devastating and perfect, Vanessa reminds me so much of what people view as an imperfect character or victim it makes me emotional, to see symptoms of hypersexuality and PTSD in such a young character as well as her older self allows for readers to witness a transformation or evolution of healing and the work it takes to realize abuse. everything about this book ruins me oh my goodness

had to take a break from reading, Strane is truly disgusting and evil. how Vanessa feels about not being a victim or how she rewrites what happened between her, at 16, and a middle aged man!! the depictions of rape and how Vanessa second guesses herself so much, the whole book feels like a process of healing that had been stewing for years

This book is psychological horror. The insidious way Strane manipulates Vanessa to push the idea that she isn’t a victim that he didn’t hurt her. The way he desperately tries to make sure even when she is an adult and should identify how awful the relationship was between them that she still thinks of herself as willing how he tries to cover up his abuse as love. How perfect and complex Vanessa’s victimhood is

Can’t believe I’m putting myself through this book again but I guess it’s a part of a sick and twisted healing journey in some way