Sierra’s Reviews > The Way I Used to Be > Status Update

Kevin SAs Edy in her own room one night during winter break, tells her that her family won’t believe her if she says anything. Edy can barely process what’s going on the next day. She’s a very shy kid, gets bullied at school, doesn’t know how to stand up or speak up for herself so she doesn’t tell anyone abt the assault.

She tries telling her brother but is very emotional, can’t get it out, just keeps reminding him that he’s her brother- not Kevin’s. Complains that he’s always around. Caelin gets defensive, tells her that her “little crush” on Kevin is getting old, thinks she’s just being dramatic & wants his attention.

Edy’s best friend, Mara, gets bullied pretty badly too. They start a book club so they don’t have to endure the bullying during lunch anymore. Mara is tired of the bullying, wants to reinvent herself, become cooler. Edy dyes her hair red & they start smoking cigarettes lol they feel bad ass & Mara encourages Edy to reinvent herself too.

Sophomore year- Edy has a glow up, stops wearing glasses & gets contacts, new cute clothes, carries herself more confidently.

A senior on the basketball team, Josh, is in her study hall this year, he takes an interest in her offering her a seat next to him & saving it for her each class.
Edy gets nervous & volunteers at the library during that period so she won’t have to see him anymore lol
He pops up on her in the library one day, asks her out on a date - cuteee

Kevin’s sister, Amanda, is attending edys school this year. She’s very bitchy when Edy tries saying hi, tells her they don’t gotta talk ever lmao

Edys catches Amanda spying on her around school, then when she’s in the bathroom one day she sees & hears Amanda & her friend writing on the wall abt her through the stall she’s in- they write that she’s a whore. She hears Amanda tell her friend she saw her hooking up w a guy in the fields lol blatantly spreading lies abt her. Edy doesn’t do anything tho, she pretends she doesn’t know who did it, tries to just focus on her date that night w Josh.

Edy is rlly weird w Josh, she wants to be near him & likes him but has so many thoughts in her head, when they kiss or try anything physical she thinks of Kevin…
Josh thinks she’s weird but is very into her, keep pursuing her even tho she’s not showing too much interest at all.
Josh is a senior so he asks Edy how old she is, says she seems mature- she lies & says she’s 16..girls still 14😅

Edy doesn’t want to meet his parents & wants to keep their relationship secret so for the next week she sneaks into his house after school & they hook up in his room.
By this point Edy wants to sleep w him, she thinks sleeping w someone new will make her feel like a new person, that it will make her forget what happened w Kevin, that she won’t be so tainted.
Josh is so patient & gentle w her 🥺 he tells her numerous times that they don’t have to do anything but she insists. It’s super awkward & he keeps asking her if she’s okay, she blacks out at one point, kinda just stares at the ceiling disassociating till it’s over.
Afterward Edy just silently lays there. Josh keeps asking if she’s ok, asking what’s going on w her. He feels bad, like he forced himself on her or something. He is so confused by her, starts questioning if this is some kind of game to her when she responds weirdly & very distant. They have a falling out & she leaves.
I feel bad for both of them.

The next day in school Josh tries apologizing to Edy, she’s bitchy to him cause she saw him laughing w his friends & looking at her so she thinks he told them what happened. He reassures her that he didn’t tell anyone, gives her a hand written apology note 🥺

Edy gets into an argument w her mom, packs a bag & storms out, goes to Josh’s & sits outside for over an hour before he comes out & realizes she’s out there. She never knows how to ask for help it’s rlly sad.
Inside they eat pizza & watch tv, they rlly open up to each other- Edy tells him abt her mom & what’s been going on lately, it feels rlly good for her to talk to someone so openly.
Josh opens up abt his dad’s alcohol addiction. His parents told him they’re attending a wedding but he knows they’re at a rehab- josh was cleaning the leaves out of the gutter & found his dad alc stash, told his mom, now she’s taking him to a rehab. Josh knows his dad prob will never get clean, he hates drugs & alc, doesn’t hang around people who do stuff like that cause of his dad.

As the weeks go on, Edy & Josh grow closer, share secretes w each other that they’ve never told anyone before. Edy is still distant sometimes, still snaps on him when he brings up things that make her think of Kevin. He rlly likes her but he worries sometimes, he can tell somethings wrong, can tell that she not always there mentally 100% of the time.
When things get silent during conversation, they say to each other “tell me a secret” - Josh tells her he loves her…Edy pretends to be asleep & once he dozes off she sneaks out…🥺

Josh confronts Edy the next day at school. Edy has wanted to keep their relationship a secret, won’t officially be his girlfriend, never wants to go out in public w him. After she snuck out last night, it has Josh thinking she’s seeing someone else. Josh tells her he’s not okay with sleeping together almost everyday & then pretending to not know each other in school. She tells him she’s not seeing anyone else & tries explaining why she can’t just jump into a relationship w him so openly but gets flustered, almost cries. Josh sees she’s getting upset & immediately comforts her, tells her he understands. -I love himmmm 🥺

Her birthday is tomorrow so he asks to take her out on an official date, she says yes- Josh is suprised & excited. Edy is so relieved by how safe she feels w him

Mara decorates edys locker for her bday, puts her age on there..Josh pulls Edy into the boys bathroom to talk to her as soon as he sees her. He’s pissed, can’t believe she would lie abt her age, feels betrayed cause he trusted her. Points out that he’s 18 & could have gotten in trouble. She laughs in his face…tells him that she doesn’t care…he’s shocked & rightfully dumps her.
Edy pretends she doesnt care bc she didn’t wanna seem vulnerable & wanted to remain the one in control.

Caelin brings Kevin home for Christmas break again. While Edy is alone in the kitchen he comes in & gropes her from behind, tells her she’s looking good. She tells him to stop it but is ridden w anxiety, kinda just stands there & allows it…I wish she would scream her head off everytime he came near her I hate him it makes my blood boil.

Caelin & Kevin hang w some of the basketball kids from highschool…hears all the nasty things the guys say abt Edy. When he comes home he goes to edys room to talk abt it- she’s defensive & annoyed that he wants to play protective brother all of a sudden. He tries telling her that they’re using her, that Josh doesn’t actually care abt her- she tells him that she doesn’t care, she’s just using him too.
By the end of their argument he tells her he doesn’t even recognize her anymore.

Edy hasn’t slept in her bed since that night of the assault…she sleeps in a sleeping bag on the floor

After winter break, the jocks start bullying Edy rlly bad. Literally grabbing her, making comments about how easy she is, taunting her in the hallway. She runs home from school, barges into Caelins room to demand what happened the night of the party.
Caelin admits that Josh was there, very drunk, all the guys talking shit abt Edy cause of what Josh told them…Caelin beat Josh up cause the stuff he heard was repulsive.
Edy freaks out on Caelin, they get into a very emotional argument, she locks herself in her room, he storms out crying & drives off.
They ended up making up over pizza & movies later lol.

The next day at school Edy sees Josh is all beat up w a black eye. She walks over to apologize to him & clear the air but sees him w his new girlfriend…yikes


Junior year- Edy & Mara are stealing alc, cutting curfew & sneaking in, smoking weed lolol they think they’re so badass.
They meet 2 stoner guys, Alex & Troy, one night while they’re out drinking, they invite them to a party a few days later. They find that it’s a college party when they arrive, one of their older brothers & his friends all partying & drinking while the younger ppl smoke in the backyard.
Edy leaves Mara out back to grab a drink, ends up talking to Troy’s older brother inside. She lies abt her age, again, telling him shes 18- they end up fuckin…she don’t even know his name.

Over the next few weeks Edy & Mara keep going to parties there, Edy keeps hooking up w randoms..she says it helps her disconnect. One of the guys tells her that a lot of guys at his school talk abt her, that’s she’s got quite the reputation…she doesn’t even care rlly, just brushes off that everyone calls her a whore…