Enthusiastic Reader > Recent Status Updates

p 200 - "Freedom exists within the truth of constraints—not constraints arbitrarily imposed by others, but genuine constraints like those that make us unable to fly, those that make us unable to withstand the force of a tidal wave, and, for some of us, those that make us unable to understand nuclear physics."

p 196 - "When people feel pressured, compliance or defiance results. Compliance produces change that is not likely to be maintained, and defiance blocks change in the first place."

p 192 - "The true meaning of being alive is not just to feel happy, but to experience the full range of human emotions."

p 191 - People who can manage emotions rather than react to them directly "will feel a sense of freedom with respect to how they behave. The emotion will not determine the behavior but instead will be a piece of information relevant to the process of choosing how to behave. Behaviors will be chosen based on an awareness of the emotion and on a consideration of the goals they would like to accomplish."

p 190 - "If there are no realistic consequences associated with an insult, such as being rejected, abandoned, or fired, people can learn to understand the insult as the speaker's aggression and not feel so threatened by it."

p 189 - "Ego-involvements make people a pawn to their emotions. If they need to be seen as strong in order to feel worthy, being called a wimp will threaten their self-worth and could send them into a rage. The anger results from the interpretation of a remark as a threat, but the remark is a threat only when people's self-worth is hooked on being seen as strong."

p 186 - "part of what they learned about 'managing their manager' was that it helped to give him positive feedback." This also applies to school; idea: at the start of class, ask students to give positive feedback to their next-block teacher. Review these, and then give them back at the end of class and ask students to hand them to that teacher.

p 182 - "The challenge is to be autonomy supportive even with individuals who pull on us to control them. It is the more passive, compliant, and defiant individuals who are most in need of an optimal interpersonal context—of involvement, autonomy support, and sensitive limit setting—but it is these individuals whom we have the hardest time giving it to."

p 173 - "Although a patient's health behavior is his or her own responsibility, doctors do have the responsibility of encouraging a patient to behave in healthy ways. It is thus a fine line that physicians must walk, promoting healthy behavior without controlling it."

p 172 - "All of the features of being autonomy supportive—taking the other's perspective, offering choice, providing relevant information that the other person may have no access to, giving the rationale for suggestions or requests, acknowledging the other's feelings, and minimizing the use of controlling language and attitudes—describe perfectly what it means to be … patient-centered in the practice of medicine."

(continued) I did not feel 'one-down,' even though I had substantial respect for his expertise and his authority. I started flossing more regularly, and I felt that I could call on him if I needed him."

p 168 - "the doctor came in wearing a Hawaiian print shirt rather than a white smock, and he introduced himself using his first name. His assistants, while clearly respectful, also called him by his first name. Questions came easily to me, and his answers had all the information I was seeking. I left the first appointment thinking he was a great dentist. (continued)

p 162 - "abusing alcohol, as well as smoking and overeating, all serve a purpose. They bind anxiety, provide an escape from pressures, or provide some other, similar type of comfort. Drinking may dampen people's feelings of loneliness; eating may allow people to avoid their fears of rejection; and smoking may help people tolerate the nervousness they feel when they encounter a group of people in a social setting."

(cont'd) We said, 'Remember, it is your responsibility as a teacher to make sure your students perform up to high standards.'"

p 157 - "We had subjects come into the lab to teach students how to solve problems. We gave teachers plenty of time to practice... and we gave them both a list of useful hints and the actual solutions to the problems. The teachers had been randomly assigned to one of two groups, and everything was the same... except for the fact that we made one additional statement to the teachers in one group. (cont'd)

p 147 - "people adapt to being controlled and act as if they don't want the very thing that is integral to their nature—namely, the opportunity to be autonomous. They probably fear that they will be evaluated—perhaps even punished—if they make the wrong choice. And they may well be."

Research with elementary students - half are given authoritarian, controlling feedback on work; half are given non-evaluative feedback. All students are told they will work on four more problems. "she asked how many they would like to choose for themselves and how many they would like the experimenter to choose for them...the students with whom she had been controlling, subsequently said they wanted less choice."

p 147 - "As a self-protective strategy, they become focused outward—looking for clues about what the people in one-up positions expect of them, looking for what will keep them out of trouble... students... ask what topic to use for their term papers. [When I ask] "What interests you?" [they] reply, "I don't know; what do you think I should write about?"

p 147 - "people tell us that their children, their students ,or their employees don't want to have choice—that they want to be told what to do. When we hear such comments, they do ring true, at least to some extent, but we realize that if they are true it is because people have been pushed to that point by being overly controlled in the past."

Note: this is something slave-owners said about their enslaved workers.

p 135 - "The hard-driving, competitive businessman who fights for more power and more wealth may be a rugged individualist, but he is not an exemplar of autonomy... Many people, of course, find the notion of individualism very appealing, but its appeal comes more from their compulsion to achieve within the capitalist economic system than it does from their innate needs."

p 135 - "The converse of being autonomous is being controlled... you are pressured to behave, think, or feel some particular way. Control is often exerted by others—by people in one-up positions, or by the society.. people can be controlling with themselves to satisfy their introjects. To pressure yourself, to force yourself to act, or to feel as if you have to do something is to undermine your own autonomy."

p 133 - "One of the foundations of American society is individualism. Many of our heroes, both real and literary, have been independent individuals who have settled new territories or amassed enormous wealth."

p 131 - "what are often called needs for money or fame, say, are not needs at all. They may be wants or desires, and they may be extremely potent organizers of one's life activities, but they are not basic psychological needs."

However, money can help meet physical needs.

p 129 - "extrinsic goals bring attention to what one has rather than who one is"

p 128 - "researchers found that if any of the three extrinsic aspirations—for money, fame, or beauty—was high for an individual relative to the three intrinsic aspirations, the individual was also more likely to display poorer mental health... strong aspirations for any of the intrinsic goals—meaningful relationships, personal growth, and community contributions—were positively associated with well-being."

p 127 - "The researchers focused on six types of life aspirations... [three extrinsic:] being wealthy, famous, and physically attractive... [three intrinsic:] having satisfying personal relationships, making contributions to the community, and growing as individuals... the intrinsic aspirations are really quite different from the extrinsic ones; they are satisfying in their own right."

p 124 - "People who own the tools of production and use them effectively accumulate wealth, and those without the advantage of ownership can nonetheless be comfortable if they work hard and submit to the authority of the owners." Capitalism in a nutshell.

p 122 - “In such relationships, each partner is able to give to the other, expecting nothing in return and creating no obligations for the other. The giving comes from the true self, and thus the person experiences wanting to give.”

p 120 - “to assess the extent to which people’s motivation for staying in the relationship was autonomous—the extent to which they were there with a true sense of choice and personal desire rather than feeling some pressure or control for being there. The researchers found that the autonomy of each partner was essential for the couple’s relational happiness."

p 117 - "Allow yourself to fail and you will be more likely to succeed."