Gabrielle Moreno > Recent Status Updates

And here I am, one hundred percent Jewish, and people say: Really? And I say: Really. And they say: You don't look Jewish at all. At which point I usually clap my hands and rub them together, like I'm off to man the grill, and say, "Great! Guess that means I would have had a decent shot at surviving the Holocaust!"

"They think I'm schizophrenic." He stares at me, shaking his head. "What if I were? Is there a hierarchy to mental illness?..."

"Also, I would love to date a woman who soaks teddy bears in perfume and sexually gives them to priests, because she has got to be crazier in bed than any atheist ever dreamed of being. Maybe once you got back to her apartment you would see an even bigger teddy propped up against her pillow, soaked in holy water and waiting for you, with a Bible between its legs opened up to the Song of Songs"