It’s better so far. But I dunno I need more info or context on the book, it’s auto fiction ? It’s really his life or is all this totally made up? Some parts are not obviously Poetic and then some parts feel Too Much So Poetic. The line “making appointments , cataloguing furniture” thats absolutely 💯, but shit like “I opened my tiny mouth and large words came out “ draw to much attention to style.
— Jun 26, 2023 05:12AM
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