Shorouk ♍ > Recent Status Updates

-"أنت مصاب بعقدة أبوة نحوي"
""هذا صحيح.. لقد أصاب كبد الحقيقة.. يبدو أنني فى السن التى أشتهي فيها أن يكون لى إبن فى سِنهُ إبن لامع مثله.. هذه اللحظة التى أنذرنى بقدومها كل من نصحوني بالزواج منذ عشرين عاماً.. ستندم بعد فوات الأوان.. ستكون بحاجة لإبن يصادقك ثم يُغمضْ عينيك و يواريك القبر عندما تموت.. كنت أقول لهم أن أولاد الحلال كثير بالتأكيد لن يُلقوا بجثتي في أقرب مصرف!""

كان هناك باب خشبى عملاق دققناه فخرج لنا صبى مذعور ..
ثم إمرأة مذعورة.. ثم شاب قَلِق .. نادى رجلاً متوتراً 😅

I've long since learned what I say is second to how I say it, learned to level my voice, when I'm screaming from the inside.
This is what it is to be a woman, to learn how to swallow your pain, to know how to bide your time.

- شرقاوي بخيل ؟! "هذا كائن أسطورى نادر مثله مثل اليهودى السخي أو الإيطالى الذي لا يجيد الغزل"..😅
مختار هو الشرقاوي الوحيد البخيل على ظهر البسيطة على قدر علمى كان هناك واحد آخر لكنه مات منذ أعوام ! 😄

_حَدثَنا (رفعت) عن الأشباح الصاخبة أو (البورتر زايط) ..

_قال الفتى في أدب: " لابد أنك تعني (البولترجايشت) " 😅

هذا خطأ فادح بالنسبة لمريض الهستيريا لأنه يجعله يتمادى حتى وإن لم يدرك هذا.. الفتاة تجد نفسها قد تحولت من (الزفتة) إلي (حبيبة ماما)
وهذا مُغرٍ جداً 😄 نصحت الأم بأن خير علاج للفتاة_و لمريض الهستيريا عامة_ هو التجاهل التام.. لكنها لم تكُن مستعدة لسماع أى نصيحة مني بإعتباري صورة أخرى لِغربان البِين 😂

تعشق رانيا شيئاً ما .. حقاً لا أدري ما هو، أبوها لا يدري ما هو،
أمها لا تدري ما هو، رانيا لا تدري ما هو.. 😄 إنها تهيم به حباً و كثيراً ما تدمع عيناها و تفكر لَكَمْ أتمنى لو صار لي، لكن ما هو الذي سيصير لها؟
من جديد أكرر: أنا لا أدري ما هو، أبوها لا يدري ما هو، أمها لا تدري ما هو، رانيا لا تدري ما هو😂

-Asking for help was anathema to me-

-“And how’s that been working out for you so far?”

-"I realized what I felt . . . happy. It was such a strange, unusual feeling—light,
calm, as though I’d swallowed sunshine."

-"My life, I realized, had gone wrong. Very, very wrong.
I wasn’t supposed to live like this. No one was supposed to live like this. The problem was that I simply didn’t know how to make it right."

"But no one had ever shown me the right way to live a life, and although I’d tried my best over the years,
I simply didn’t know how to make things better. I could not solve the puzzle of me"

-" If someone asks you how you are,
you are meant to say FINE.. You are not meant to say that you cried yourself to sleep last night because you hadn’t spoken to another person for two consecutive days. ▪︎FINE▪︎ is what you say."

"There have been times when I felt that I might die of loneliness. People sometimes say they might die of boredom, that they’re dying for a cup of tea, but for me, dying of loneliness is not hyperbole. When I feel like that, my head drops and my shoulders slump and I ache, I physically ache, for human contact—I truly feel that I might tumble to the ground and pass away if someone doesn’t hold me, touch me."

-"I was alone. There was no living thing in the universe that was more alone than me."

-" I took one of my hands in the other, tried to imagine what it would feel like if it was another person’s hand holding mine."

-"Later. I woke again. I kept my eyes closed.
I was curious about something. What, I wondered, was the point of me?"

-"Most people’s absence from the world would be
felt on a personal level by at least a handful of people. I, however, had no one"

-"I do not light up a room when I walk into it. No one longs to see me or to hear my voice."

"Why did I start to allow myself to think I could live a normal life, a happy life, the kind other people had?"

-💔 I'm kinda heartbroken now

"I needed to make something happen, anything.
I couldn’t keep passing through life, over it, under it, around it. I couldn’t go on haunting the world like a wraith."

"He actually sounded like he meant both; that he would indeed see me soon, and that he wished me to take care of myself. I felt a warmth inside,
a cozy, glowy feeling like hot tea on a cold morning."

"A human hand was exactly the right weight,
exactly the right temperature for touching another person, I realized. I’d shaken hands a fair bit over the years—more so recently—but I hadn’t been 《Touched》
in a lifetime."

I can't deny this is all my fault, I have no one else to blame for my life falling to pieces.
But let me ask you this, Is pain any less valid
when it is self-inflicted ?
Doesn't it hurt just as much

"She looked at him with so much love that I had to turn away. At least I know what love looks like, I told myself. That’s something. No one had ever looked at me like that, but I’d be able to recognize it if they ever did."

There are scars on my heart, just as thick, as disfiguring as those on my face. I know they’re there.
I hope some undamaged tissue remains, a patch through which love can come in and flow out.. I hope.

"When the silence and the aloneness press down and around me, crushing me, carving through me like ice,
I need to speak aloud sometimes, if only for proof of life."

_...💔

" I’m confident that it is perfectly normal to talk to oneself occasionally. It’s not as though I’m expecting a reply. I’m fully aware that Polly is a houseplant."

"She trailed off, looking awkward, sad, embarrassed.
Ah, I knew them well—these were the holy trinity of Oliphant expressions."

There I was: Eleanor Oliphant. Long, straight, light brown hair that runs all the way down to my waist, pale skin, my face a scarred palimpsest of fire.
A nose that’s too small and eyes that are too big. Ears: unexceptional. Around average height, approximately average weight. I aspire to average . . .
I’ve been the focus of far too much attention in my time. Pass me over, move along please, nothing to see here.

We reminisce so much about the past that it becomes like a second shadow, We dream so much about the future that we are hardly present.
We talk so much about our lives, We forget to live.

There are days when I feel so lightly connected to the earth, that the threads that tether me to the planet are gossamer thin, spun sugar.
A strong gust of wind could dislodge me completely, and I’d lift off and blow away, like one of those seeds in a dandelion clock.🌬

She’d been left in one direction, and left in the other,
and as evening fell, she stood, all alone,
not knowing where to head next.

And the pair of them sat in the late evening sun, partly
laughing at their big display of emotion, and partly continuing to sob, mother and son united in the grief
of missing the man of their lives, wondering how
they might carry on without him.

Remember, you will survive, things could be worse,
and we are never given anything we can’t handle.
When the whole world crumbles, you have to build a new one out of all the pieces that are still here.

And isn’t that what masculinity has become?
A bunch of dudes afraid of their own feelings,
terrified of any emotion other than anger,
yelling at the shadows on the wall,but still haven’t realized that we’re the ones standing in front of the light.