Al Owski > Recent Status Updates

“We advise the listening group to listen with compassion. If they hear a misperception, they shouldn't try to interrupt and correct, because they will have plenty of time later on to help the other group correct their perceptions.”

“Compassionate communication is an extraordinarily powerful way to create mutual understanding and make changes. It can be used in situations where many people thought connection and communication impossible. It can transform situations where both parties are full of both fear and anger.”

“You can't take the other person out of you. You can't take yourself out of others. The suffering still continues. So the question is not whether you will stay together or not; the question is whether you can focus on trying to understand each other using compassionate speech and deep listening, no matter what the outcome.”

“When you can see the suffering in others, you begin to understand that there is a reason they suffer like that. You are no longer angry with them anymore. Compassion will arise in your heart. When compassion is born, you are more peaceful, your mind is clearer, and you will be motivated to say or do something to help others transform their difficulties. Reconciliation becomes possible.”

“Unless we listen to our own suffering, there's no chance of improving the quality of our relationships. With mindfulness, compassion arises, and you can accept yourself. Then you have the chance to look at others. Even if they are not there with you, you can sit still and close your eyes and see the suffering they have gone through for so many years.”

“Relationships with parents and siblings can be particularly difficult. Maybe during their childhood they were deeply wounded, and no one listened to them. So now they are perpetuating the cycle, and they don't want to listen to anyone. Don't ask your family members to change. When you're able to generate the energy of understanding and compassion in yourself, reconciliation can begin to take place.”

“The suffering we received from our parents when we were children is probably our deepest suffering. We may hate our parents and feel that, whether or not they are still living, we will never reconcile with them. Yet with our practice of breathing mindfully, walking mindfully, and looking deeply, we can bring about transformation…”

“You have to recognize that you are the continuation of your father, mother, and ancestors. Cultivate mindfulness so you can recognize the habit energy each time it arises and embrace it with your energy of mindfulness. Each time we're able to do this, the habit energy becomes weaker. If we keep practicing like this, we can stop the cycle of transmission, and this will benefit not only us but our children…”

“Sometimes communication is hardest in our own family because families share similar suffering and ways of responding to suffering. The suffering of your parents was passed down from their parents and from their ancestors before them. Unless you begin to understand your own suffering and reconcile with yourself, that suffering will continue to be passed down to future generations.”.

“A wrong perception can be the cause of a lot of suffering. All of us are subject to misunderstanding. We live with wrong perceptions every day. That's why we have to practice meditation and looking deeply into the nature of our perceptions. Whatever we perceive, we have to ask ourselves, "Are you sure your perception is right?" To be safe, you have to ask.”

“It takes courage to acknowledge difficulty in a relationship. You may think you will just wait until the other person comes to you first, but that may not happen. You can't wait. You can begin the practice of restoring communication by modeling open-hearted, compassionate dialogue. You may have to give yourself a deadline for making a start. When people come to weeklong retreats,”

“find a home in each other as well as in yourselves. … This becomes the base of all your relationships. If you want to help society, your community, your country, you have to have a home base. When you have a true home in yourself and in your home, you have happiness, safety, and fulfillment. Then you are in a position to go out and help create a more compassionate and loving community”

“Your loved ones are also looking for home—for some warmth and a refuge. Once you have a home, you can help the other person. You are confident because you know how to connect with yourself and make a home for yourself. Your confidence can inspire others to do the same. They may find a home in you, and then lean on that to build a home in themselves.”

“We can accept others like we accept ourselves. We know that what they are expressing is only part of them. Before judging and shouting at somebody, instead of telling someone he or she has no value, we have to look deeper…So we accept ourselves with all our weaknesses, and then we have peace. We don't judge ourselves; we accept. I have these qualities and weaknesses, but I will try to improve slowly, at my speed.”

“The sixth mantra is the truth. You don't lie, and you don't fall into false humility. You just say it, either aloud or silently to yourself. Inside you there are many wonderful qualities and many weaknesses; you accept both. But that acceptance doesn't prevent you from developing your positive qualities and addressing your weaknesses.”

“You use the sixth mantra when someone praises or criticizes you. You can use it equally well in both cases. The sixth mantra is: "You are partly right." … "You are partly correct. I have strengths too." You may answer them that way in silence or say it nicely. "You are only seeing part of me, not the totality. I have other things in me that are much better."”

“The fifth mantra is: "This is a happy moment." When you are with someone you care about, you can use this mantra. … This mantra is to remind ourselves and the other person that we are very lucky, that there are so many conditions of happiness that are available in the here and the now. We can breathe easily. We have each other. We have the blue sky and the solidity of the whole earth supporting us.”

“When we suffer, we should tell others that we suffer and that we need their help. We usually do the opposite. We don't want to go and ask for help. That's why we need the fourth mantra: "I suffer, please help."”

“If we suffer, and we don't look deeply into our suffering and find compassion for ourselves and the other person, we may want to punish the person who hurt us because he or she has dared to make us suffer. When we suffer, we think it's the other person's fault for not appreciating us enough or loving us enough.”

“The fourth mantra is a little more difficult, especially for those of us with a lot of pride. You use the fourth mantra when you suffer and you believe that the other person has caused your suffering. … If it was someone you didn't care as much about who had said or done that to you, you would have suffered less. But when someone you love says something that feels critical or dismissive, you suffer deeply.”

“While the first two mantras can be said several times a day, no matter what the situation, the third mantra is used when you notice that the other person is suffering. The third mantra can help the other person suffer less right away. The third mantra is: "I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you." ”

“Don't use the second mantra until you have practiced the first and produced your presence. Then, when you are truly there in the here and the now, you are in a position to recognize the presence of the other person. The second mantra is: "I know you are there, and I am very happy." You are letting your loved one know that his or her presence is important to your happiness.”

“The first mantra is: "I am here for you." This is the best gift you can give a loved one. Nothing is more precious than your presence. No matter how expensive the things you buy for someone else, they're not as precious as your true presence.”

“There are many ways that people can support us and love us without actually saying, "I love you." You may know people who have never said, "I love you," but you know they love you.”

“When we have the ability to listen with compassion to the suffering of another person, we will benefit as well.”

“The fourth criterion is the absolute truth, the most profound view of things,.. So whenever we need to say something we know will be difficult for others to hear, we have to be humble and try to look more and more deeply to discover in what way we can talk about these things.”

“The third criterion is to prescribe the right medicine for the disease... When you have attachment, craving, or despair, re-member that you are your own teacher. You can listen to these strong emotions and communicate back the healing you need Don't think that if you hear or read something that inspires you, you should then repeat it word for word. Think of how to make these truths you heard resonate with your own.”

“The second criterion says that we may have to speak to each person differently. This doesn't contradict the element of Right Speech that says not to speak with a forked tongue (doublespeak). We need to keep the truthful content the same while being aware of the perspective and understanding of the person we're speaking to, so others have an opportunity to really hear what's being said.”

“The first criterion is to understand the worldly way of seeing things, the worldly view. Sometimes we have to use the kind of language that people speak and the way they view things. If you don't use the language of the world, most people won't understand what you mean. and you can communicate only with people who already think like you.”

“1. We have to speak the language of the world.
2. We may speak differently to different people, in a way that reflects how they think and their ability to receive the teaching.
3. We give the right teaching according to person, time, and place, just as a doctor prescribes the right medicine.
4. We teach in a way that reflects the absolute truth.”