Status Updates From Sword Woman and Other Histo...

“Blades For France”

The second and last complete Dark Agnes story has her caught up in some political intrigue surrounding the Duke of Bourbon, I think Charles III, foiling a kidnapping plot that she just happens to stumble upon after slaying one of the principal members in an indignant rage and taking his sweet-ass cloak. She’s still pretty awesome but I wish she had gotten to kill de Valence!

“Sword Woman”

Agnes du Chastillon is going to be forced to marry a rich pig to ease her father’s waning years. Her sister gives her a dagger, implying that she kill herself rather than marry and let marriage beat her down. In a moment of wild impulse, she murders her groom at the altar and then runs off, getting herself into quite a few scrapes and shootouts. Agnes is BAD. ASS.

“Timur-Lang”

Howard MAY have picked Timour for “Samarkand” because of a poem written by Edgar Allan Poe that he quotes at the header of a few of the story’s chapter. Here he has his own poem, reckoning on the ephemerality of even a brutal conqueror such as Timour’s own mark on history.

“Lord of Samarcand”

REH historical fiction template

1) find significant figures from the Middle East
2) invent a Celtic or Viking blood dude and who plays a significant role in the history
3) write badass, bloody pageantry with tons of gory deaths

In this case it’s the last great Mongol conqueror, Timour, who acquires the services of an exiled Scotsman who is as barbaric as they come.

“A Thousand Years Ago”

This Howard poem seems more like yearning for a time when a man could prove himself in mortal conflict, referencing the Chagatai people that Howard clearly had some affinity for as the narrator of “The Road of Azrael” counted himself among their tribe.

“The Skull in the Clouds”

One of Howard’s poems as character sketches where an Irishman had been sent to assassinate the “Black Prince” (I assume England’s Prince Edward of the 1300s), sort of gains immense respect for him, and is sent away by the prince when he figures out what the dude’s original mission was.

“The Sowers of the Thunder”

A longer-form tale of a would-be Irish king during the final act of Outremer. Cahal is a chivalrous character and does the best that he can in doomed circumstances. This story has a predictable plot twist with the “slim knight” who you can guess through the economy of character. This cycle of stories pits Christian and Muslim together against “pagan” Turks.

“Red Blades of Black Cathay”

This one has a French-Norse dude, Godric, who was sent east during one of the more mercenary Crusades periods to look for the fabled Christian kingdom of Prester John. His dwindling band saves a Princess of a northern Chinese kingdom, he recuperates, and then he leads them to fight Ghengis Khan’s horde to an amicable halt through manly combat love.

“The Blood of Belshazzar”

Another Cormac adventure. The dude is slightly less cartoonish in this murder mystery where he hits up a hive of scum and villainy, all of whom scheme to rob the head brigand of a cursed jewel. The jewel and the fort’s ancient properties give this story a hint of the Weird with stories of a djinn’s underwater kingdom and old, inhuman Gods in the palace’s deepest reaches.

“Hawks of Outremer”

HOLY SHIT THIS CORMAC FITZGEOFFREY LOL

this dude is a walking extreme cartoon. He has a skull on his shield, crushed human beings like the Incredible Hulk, and his war cry is literally “Hate and the glutting of vengeance!”

anyway he returns to the crusader states, finds out that his good friend has been killed, and then proceeds to kill, like, six or seven scheming natives.

“Gates of Empire”

This is a screwball comedy where a drunkard Englishman evades the noble he pissed off and then bounces around from power to power during the Crusades, being instrumental during the campaign around Egypt in 1167-1168. As far as an emotional story goes, Giles eventually redeems himself, saving the then King of Jerusalem, and in such a way that he is rewarded by the Muslim general who used him.

“The Lion of Tiberias”

Another Crusades story, but this one is kind of scatterbrained. Like, John’s there at the beginning so that he can be there at the end, and then we have a long flash forward to a Crusader who tracks down a spy only to have his… wife, who he thought was dead, revealed to him as a villain flex. It’s okay!! They manage to escape!!!

“The Road of Azrael”

A tale among the Crusades, told by a Muslim who owes a life debt to a Christian knight who saved his life during the sack of Jerusalem. A budding Islamic empire dies in the cradle, all because the would-be emperor simply MUST have the young Christian woman. Oh, and also they run into a band of Vikings repping a Saxon king most thought was dead. Naturally.

“The Outgoing of Sigurd the Jerusalem-Farer”

I’m not entirely sure but based on the contents and this title, this Sigurd is a post-pagan Scandinavian who is travelling to fight in what I can only assume is the crusades. The poem focuses less on Sigurd as a Christian—or not—and more on his enthusiasm for slaking his wanderlust in sailing.

“Hawks Over Egypt”

In this story, Howard gives an alternate history of the mysterious disappearance of al-Hakim bi-Amr Allah, a Caliph, in 1021 A.D.. It has all the hallmarks of a Conan power struggle story, excepting its main character and the damsel in distress only briefly cross paths, once, with her getting the story’s final act of vengeance.

“Spears of Clontarf”

This story sets up and then portrays the final major battle between the Irish and the Norse-Irish overlords in 1014 A.D., which has become a major fable for Irish independence. It’s pretty fun, has a tragic romance angle, and a sort of proto-Conan template with Conn, a thrall who escaped slavery to fight for King Brian. It’s fairly typical Howard Celt worship.