Status Updates From Love in a Headscarf

I started to take an interest in people simply for who they were. I was more reflective, gentler, more inquisitive, and open in my demeanor. What made this person tick? Each person was a delicious moment to be savored with respect for their humanity.

I had lived a different life, I might have discovered different things that I hadn’t found on this path, and I might have been just as happy, perhaps happier. I would never know the answer to that question.

The Aunties started to feel sorry for me. “Such a nice girl,” they would exclaim. “So well-mannered.”

“I can’t understand why she isn’t married,” said one to the other, emphasizing the words.

“So pretty, so intelligent, so lovely, and religious, I just can’t imagine who could be right for her,” sighed the other in return.

I began to imagine that if I couldn’t find a man, then I would have a wedding anyway. I hadn’t lost hope—just started to prepare myself for the idea that it might not happen. Pretty dress, romantic venue, lots of good food, wonderful company. It was time for me to be the center of attention. Without Prince Charming I may not be able to reap the benefits of marriage, but at least I could have a lovely wedding.

Searching for a husband had distracted me from exploring my own inner world. As a human being my focus should have been on making my spirit blossom. Finding a companion and getting married was part of that journey toward flourishing as a person: that was the Islamic thinking behind marriage.

As I looked at the huge buildings around me, my respect for Aasiya grew. She was Queen of all Egypt, Queen of the Pyramids. She could have had anything. But she chose to challenge the most powerful man of her time and gave away her love, her life, and her status to make a stand for humanity.

I didn’t want someone who was identical to me but I did want someone who functioned along similar principles.

I wanted Prince Charming, romantic love, and to live happily ever after. I wanted to observe the cultural traditions of finding a husband. I wanted to follow the Islamic ideals of marriage. I also wanted to uncover spiritual love and harmony. I wanted to approach the Divine.

But what I really wanted was very simple: to make sense of the overwhelming contradictions and tangles facing me as a young Muslim woman.

The search for love is a resolute journey: to find out what it means to be human, and to share that humanity.