Status Updates From What I'd Rather Not Think A...

Page 33: “All my attempts at superficial conversation end awkwardly… I have a gift for broaching painful topics.“

Page 27: “I remember places but not the road I’ve taken to get there.”

This whole page …

Page 26: “Your life will slip away if you don’t share it with anyone.“

Page 22:
“If you’re capable of ending your life, then you must at least have the capacity for violence.“

It's heartrenching that anyone has to go through this, to slowly lose your closest kin. And I am so blessed I don't have to go through that and I need to be so thankful for that.

Page 14:
“We discovered that we were both attracted to boys when we were eight and both fell and left with Hans.“

Page 4: “For those who recognize the pointlessness of everything, suicide — or total surrender — with the only alternative.”

The second half has been much more engaging than the first. The reader knows from the first page that the MC's twin brother has died by suicide. Part 1 recounts things leading up to that. Part 2 shows us the grieving. Part 1 felt so clinical that despite exceptional prose and appealing dry humor I could not sink in. I want to understand our quirky guide now, and before I did not really care to.

(dnf) no tengo la paciencia ni las ganas para esto

zzzzz

"Leo keek hoe ik de truien netjes op onze vensterbank stapelde, alsof ons raam een etalage was. Er zitten ook mannentruien, zei ik. Maar hij zei: als er nog meer truien bij komen dan sta ik niet voor mezelf in. Ik begreep niet precies wat hij daarmee bedoelde maar snapte wel dat wat voor de een troostend is voor een ander verstikkend kan zijn."

I already know this is gonna be one of my favorite books

The writing here is excellent, but I am not engaged. I have been trying to figure out why, and I think it is the emotional flatness. I usually love remove, but with first-person narration I expect the person telling me their story to feel some sort of way about it. I don't want gooey, manipulative, sentimental crap, but some acknowledgment of feeling would be good.

“I thought about all the love we have inside us and how only a shred of that reaches the people we care about.”

Special shout out to this book for getting me seriously misty eyed by page 30

I’m either too much or too little. I am terrible at dispensing the right dose of myself.

Ik bedacht dat van alle liefde die je in je hebt vaak maar een flard de ander bereikt.

“And then he was afraid that he would always worry, even if there was no cause for concern.”

"I thought about all the love we have inside us and how only a shred of that reaches the people we care about."

“Contemplating the finite nature of everything didn’t cause me to panic and I was able to take the metro without checking everywhere for bombs but I did break into a sweat whenever I ran into a vague acquaintance at the supermarket or if I got a phone call from an unknown number.”

I’m procrastinating finishing because it’s heartbreaking

"My parents never talked about love. People were either worth the effort or they weren’t. I don’t know exactly when my brother decided that I was no longer worth the effort."

“Op mijn zevenentwintigste had ik honderdtweeënveertig truien en was het tijd om in therapie te gaan.”

"I’m either too much or too little. I’m terrible at dispensing the right dose of myself."

"I can still remember the way he looked at me. This was a man for whom I wouldn’t have to shrink myself, this was someone who had enough space."

It annoys me that there’s no chapters in this book

I skimmed and while there’s a few lines I liked sprinkled throughout, I don’t think I enjoyed reading it and I can’t imagine recommending it. I’m confused about how this made the short list.

“you’re not perfect. I said. But that’s not the same as being broken.”

shortlisted for the international booker prize 2024

Oof this is depressing

So far surprisingly charming and even occasionally funny (in a quirky way), which I did not expect from a book about being left behind when a person you love takes their own life.