Status Updates From This Charming Man (Stranger...

“Jacob lowered his voice. ‘She never liked me.’
‘She has always been an excellent judge of character.”

“The ceiling continued to say nothing.
‘I’m going to sleep.’
The ceiling’s silence was starting to feel very judgemental.”

“Hannah shook her head. ‘How has he got this far in life without anyone stabbing him?’
‘I heard that,’ roared Banecroft from the other room. ‘Shows what you know. I’ve been stabbed twice!”

“I’m a dog. Got no concept of time.’
‘Really?’ asked Cogs. ‘I missed your dinner by five minutes yesterday and you shat in my slipper.’
The dog that wasn’t a dog laughed. ‘Lucky guess.”

“Stanley looked at it. ‘You’re a dessert shop. Why do you have a baseball bat under the counter?’
‘There are some very angry diabetics out there.”

“everything in the room looked permanently on the verge of collapse, including the man himself.”