Status Updates From Toxic Faith

Rather than fearing every threat to the system, it’s important to trust that God can handle attacks on His Word, character, and people. Perfect love casts out fear, and the need for God to be our servant (through miracles or other signs of His work).

“Religious addicts think of faith as impersonal. They are mere members of the group, not individuals loved and cherished by God.” Absence of the personal leads to more fragility, as God becomes an idea or Force and not a Person.

“Religious addicts have the ability to turn everything into a negative. From their feelings of inadequacy, they can contort any set of circumstances into a doomsday scenario….Never and Always are integral to their statements about themselves and their expectations of others.”

“The toxic-faith system has no room for error and no room for people who make mistakes. Since people in need, people who mess up, and people who reveal their humanness glaringly point out the weaknesses of the toxic-faith system, they must be removed.” Explains why the Pharisees ‘had to’ remove the formerly blind man. Jesus showed greater power than they had, and the (healed) blind man questioned them.

“Victims sacrifice time almost as if they are Christian martyrs who…must go down with the persecutor. While the victims attempt to make a name for themselves as sacrificial believers, their children wonder why God would take up so much of their parents’ time. When the ministry goes down and the victims realize all the work was for nothing, it is difficult to remain faithful”. All true.

The “Five Roles” (Chapter 7) are definitely where the rubber meets the road. After explaining that the Persecutor role includes anger at constant performance and disappointment(at themselves and others), the solution is realistic: force the person to seek help and be accountable.

Persecutors are compulsive (more than convicted), usually in multiple areas. “Driven people exhibit blatant compulsive behaviors that usually indicate something is being hidden.” First compulsion is socially approved, the secondary compulsion could be something illegal or unethical (eating issues commonly pair with religious addiction).

Great description of a self-created anger loop. The angry persecutor appears driven to achieve, “obsessed with success, and compulsive about everything”, but is angry at performing for little internal satisfaction. So the anger pours out in the pulpit. (If anyone knew, “it would dispel the myth that God’s will was being done”.

Sounds exhausting. “Performance validates the persecutor’s worth and being. Every day brings a new battle to regain self-worth.” Even though they are surrounded by supporters, they rarely feel good about the performance and constantly fear not being enough.

Good to see a discussion on self-reliance versus godly dependency. Faith does become toxic when the catalyst replaces God. The fruit becomes the purpose, and idolatry of the by-products begins (ending with self-obsession), then on to the creation of a false reality.

If editing this book, I’d replace some of this overly assertive wording because….even balanced parents can have rebellious children. “If there had been balance in his parenting, most of Lee’s children would not have deserted him and the faith for a lifestyle of sin and rebellion.”

“Open communication values people and allows them to be heard and feel heard. They are treated as equals and the organization or ministry truly listens so it can focus on those needs. In closed communication, the top of the organization loses touch with human needs because those at the top do not care about the people they are supposed to serve.”

Religious addicts developing “extremely selective hearing” while also feeling spiritually superior (“in greater touch with God’s truth, more sensitive to God’s will, and more worthy of being listened to”) makes sense.

When activity is central to faith (not Christ), service requests are overwhelming and people don’t think clearly. “Overwhelmed religious addicts commonly suffer from deep depression, extreme anxiety, and a general numbness….Leading lives of overwhelming service does not put addicts in the religious hall of fame; it puts them in the hospital or breaks their relationships.”

Useful term: “minicrusade”. “Each punitive action divides the congregation and removes those who would attack the minister’s power. A minister addicted to power punishes and purges the system of anybody who would upset the status quo.”

In the last stage, denial is needed to combat obvious signs of deterioration. “Feeling like a victim, feeling persecuted and hopeless, the addict works to prove that he blessings will come. When they do not, the addict is convinced that the role of martyr is a good one to replace the role of superior faith warrior.”

At the middle stage (beyond honeymoon), the leader has added responsibility to an increased level of involvement, and “the religious addict responds with more intense effort and the desire to please”. Self-identity, family, and morality are replaced by the leader’s views, but “what once brought relief from the pressures of life is now needed for survival.” Fear of being set adrift takes over.

“In the early years, seeds of toxic faith are planted and eventually grow into addiction. Those seeds can be anything from rigid parenting to ritual abuse involving children in the occult. Whatever the source of the toxic-faith seeds, the future addict is in search of a god that does not exist, a god created by man, like any other idol created in our own image.”

“Toxic-faith systems are all too willing to have religious addicts join, because they are created to take advantage of those who seek escape. So the addicts escape into the accepting arms of those who seek more and more new recruits. They escape into an unreal world where people, ideas, and rules replace a relationship with God.”

“Addiction comes from the desire to escape. Addicts will destroy everything else to be able to escape into the addiction of choice. Nothing else matters.”

“True addiction always results in separation from God. It starts as a substitution for God and eventually becomes a wedge between the person and God.” Couldn’t agree more on the “caricature of God” produced by an unhealthy focus on Biblical memorization. Just another idol.

Peace found in activity is a false peace, and a way to avoid intimacy because of all the church work being done. Being too involved and busy to cope with problems is a pain management technique. I find it true that “religious addicts find relief in work”, and “Hard work is the enabler for avoidance.”

Unhealthy involvement can turn conviction to addiction, “and excess activity eases the pain”. In the absence of accountability, the compulsion continues, intimacy takes a hit, and vulnerability to unhealthy relationships expands. The addict gets lost inside the organization that looks good to outsiders but builds walls “between the follower and God”.

Certainly rings true that our culture tolerates “process addictions” (work and religion) more than chemical addictions, because work can help individuals “establish a sense of self and acceptability”. Process addiction is a valuation system based on accomplishment rather than personhood (who you are). If you can no longer do, you no longer have worth.

An interesting take on anger as a reaction against violations and a way to set boundaries. Deep and hidden anger as a destructive force (stronger in impact for its hiddenness): “the wounded female lives a miserable existence and gripes and complains about everything. She becomes addicted to her misery because it allows her to forget about her anger, or at least postpone dealing with it.”

Liked the personal approach (don’t agree with the ‘God loves everyone’ assertion but the content is realistic). I appreciate that it’s more relational than clinical, and found a good quote: “All addictions serve the same purpose: to change reality into a more tolerable form. They all eliminate God or at least distort the relationship with God.” The result is disillusionment and despair.

repeats too much, want to DNF….ugh

Ooof….